Yesterday I compared emotions to fire and pain—things we don’t enjoy feeling but we can use to improve our lives if we know how to use them. Calling them negative leads us to suppress and deny them—the opposite of self-awareness—which takes away our ability to improve our lives. I call that counterproductive. I think sharp knives might make a more helpful analogy. I might call sharp knives negative if I[…] Keep reading →

People don’t always behave consistently with the world. Why not? Because they don’t see the world perfectly, they see it filtered through their beliefs and the limitations of their perception. They certainly don’t always behave consistently with your perception of the world. Why not? Because their beliefs and yours differ. They don’t even behave consistently with what they say their beliefs are. Why not? Because when people communicate, they mix[…] Keep reading →

If you like my perspective on being human and our place in the world, I recommend watching the videos of James Burke from BBC. They’re mostly available on YouTube. I first saw his series Connections and The Day The Universe Changed in the 80s on PBS. I watch them again periodically. His work is some of the few I find I like watching repeats as much as the original. I[…] Keep reading →

People often suggest one role of a leader is to convince people to do something. I disagree. People seem to associate the act of convincing with the outcome they want. If convincing worked as people wanted, I would associate them too, but I see it work differently in practice. If someone disagrees with you, using logic to convince someone still depends on your premises. So if the person doesn’t agree[…] Keep reading →

It’s snowing heavily and people are complaining the winter has been long. It’s as if people know the saying Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. and then forget it when things they can’t change happen. What’s the point of knowing the words of phrases but not learning how to do[…] Keep reading →

Star Trek is fiction, but since Leonard Nimoy died yesterday, I can’t help commenting on two big mistakes in the show—its racism and misunderstanding of emotion. It seems like one of the main themes of the show is supposed to be that humans have learned to live together harmoniously, overcoming racial, nationalistic, class, and other differences. Wikipedia says the show had one of the first multi-racial casts. Sounds nice, and[…] Keep reading →

We all have similar emotional systems, so why do we behave so differently? I illustrated below how people who have identical drives and emotional systems with only different beliefs can end up behaving differently yet feeling internally the same. I plan to represent it more graphically and pretty, but this is where I am so far. It shows that internally, we all think and react similarly. Only a slight difference[…] Keep reading →

We’ve all been on both sides of the pattern below, usually with someone we like. Neither side likes it. Usually, neither side knows how to get out of it. From your perspective: You think you understand them when you don’t You do what you think they would like, thinking you’ll help them They don’t show appreciation You feel like they don’t appreciate you You consider them ungrateful and think they[…] Keep reading →

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is a take on today’s post,”Can I Ask My Neighbors to Quiet Their Baby?“ A couple downstairs has started letting their baby cry it out. Having no kids myself, I don’t know if this is a valid parenting strategy. What I do[…] Keep reading →