Yet again, another paper on empathy only associates it with emotions we don’t like—sadness, loss, etc. Almost never laughter, joy, fun, and feelings we like. I wrote about this before and how catastrophically it impedes people from developing what is otherwise an important tool for relationships, leadership, your own health, and more. I’m not even going to mention the paper because it’s so counterproductive. Wikipedia describes empathy like: discerning what[…] Keep reading →

How do you think when someone acts unexpectedly, especially a way you don’t like. That result is usually the opposite of leadership, where you want people behaving the way you lead them. I used to think something like They did something wrong. Why would they do that?!? What’s their problem? I know how to do this right. I have to change them. What should I do to get them to[…] Keep reading →

We all have similar emotional systems, so why do we behave so differently? I illustrated below how people who have identical drives and emotional systems with only different beliefs can end up behaving differently yet feeling internally the same. I plan to represent it more graphically and pretty, but this is where I am so far. It shows that internally, we all think and react similarly. Only a slight difference[…] Keep reading →

I responded to some questions from someone practicing “The most effective self-awareness exercise I know” and thought the answers would help others doing the exercise. Or might help motivate people to try it if they haven’t. I think it makes sense without the question. I’ll check with the person practicing about including the question. Here’s what I wrote: The feeling that you don’t have anything to write or that your[…] Keep reading →

I believe that whatever someone does, ultimately I am responsible for my emotions. Someone can try to make me feel unhappy, but they can’t unless I let them. I didn’t always feel that way. I used to blame others for how I felt. Maybe someone more skilled at making me feel bad could outdo my skills at resilience, but it hasn’t happened yet, at least not since I started developing[…] Keep reading →

It’s the new year. Many of us partied last night. A few nights ago I came back from a friend’s place. A few longtime friends got together to visit. The me of years ago would have found the event boring since we mostly just talked, ate, and drank wine. But, like most of the people in my life, everybody cared about their project, hobbies, etc and we talked about what[…] Keep reading →

[EDIT: I covered this series in more depth in Leadership Step by Step, so I recommend the book, but the core is here. I use The Model as a part of my life, basically daily.] Here is The Model—my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development—in series form. Click in the table of contents to the left for each[…] Keep reading →

I think dessert is standard after dinner in the U.S., especially at restaurants. Even if you don’t eat one, they give you the dessert menu to think about it. I read that only a generation ago dessert tended to be just a piece of fruit, and not every day. Less dessert seems like less sweets, but more overall appreciation of sweetness. That is, I think eating less or fewer sweets[…] Keep reading →

I feel like many people consider malaise or frustration the dominant mood of today’s world. Maybe that’s just the media because outrage gets page views and sells ads, not fulfillment or contentment. Of the people I spend time with, nearly everyone loves what they do. As far as I can tell, they feel generally good. Not always, of course, but overall. A lot of people complain a lot. Maybe they[…] Keep reading →