Over and over as I work with clients and students, as they learn to understand and manage their emotions, when they look back at their lives they see choices and actions they now know they would do differently. They notice relationships they mishandled, choices they would make differently, behavior that led them astray, and so on. I do the same thing. I think of relationships I lost, school and job[…] Keep reading →
The movie Thirteen Days illustrated how John Kennedy and the executive branch handled the Cuban Missile Crisis. I recommend the movie (and Robert Kennedy’s book of the same name). I edited some parts to highlight one aspect of the situation—the personal perspectives and behavior of people closest to the President. While you won’t likely face decisions with stakes as high as nuclear war, you’ll face similar structures of conflict. Many[…] Keep reading →
I keep hearing people say that if only they lived in a time of greater crisis, they could have achieved more. They look at George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and other famous leaders and notice they emerged through crises. I read a Harvard Business Review article implying people have to go through crucibles to develop as leaders. You don’t have to overcome adversity to achieve a lot.[…] Keep reading →
A couple weeks ago I wrote a post, “Why do people always associate empathy with feeling down?” on a topic I’ve explored before—that people associate empathy with feelings people don’t like. I find that association counterproductive and missing many feelings people can share. A reader wrote about how the post reminded her of her childhood. What she wrote echoed something I hear at my seminars when I talk about others[…] Keep reading →
Yesterday I compared emotions to fire and pain—things we don’t enjoy feeling but we can use to improve our lives if we know how to use them. Calling them negative leads us to suppress and deny them—the opposite of self-awareness—which takes away our ability to improve our lives. I call that counterproductive. I think sharp knives might make a more helpful analogy. I might call sharp knives negative if I[…] Keep reading →
People describe anger, depression, and many other emotions as negative or bad, as if they don’t want them in their lives. They’re useful! They motivate you to change what causes them, generally things in your environments and beliefs. What causes them is conflict between yourself and others, internal conflict, and wanting the world to change, mainly. As long as conflict exists, which is forever since no one shares your interests[…] Keep reading →
People don’t always behave consistently with the world. Why not? Because they don’t see the world perfectly, they see it filtered through their beliefs and the limitations of their perception. They certainly don’t always behave consistently with your perception of the world. Why not? Because their beliefs and yours differ. They don’t even behave consistently with what they say their beliefs are. Why not? Because when people communicate, they mix[…] Keep reading →
If you like my perspective on being human and our place in the world, I recommend watching the videos of James Burke from BBC. They’re mostly available on YouTube. I first saw his series Connections and The Day The Universe Changed in the 80s on PBS. I watch them again periodically. His work is some of the few I find I like watching repeats as much as the original. I[…] Keep reading →
It’s snowing heavily and people are complaining the winter has been long. It’s as if people know the saying Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. and then forget it when things they can’t change happen. What’s the point of knowing the words of phrases but not learning how to do[…] Keep reading →