Many adults wonder how to make new friends. If the following sounds familiar, read my response below it. I feel like I only have like one guy friend maybe 2. The one we don’t have a ton in common but our wives are friends so we hang out. The other is a guy friend from work we eat lunch together quite a bit and chat at work but never anything[…] Keep reading →

“Nice throw!” I was throwing a frisbee with a teammate this summer. We were warming up on a big grassy field some Monday or Wednesday evening this summer before our summer league game. If you don’t know the sport of ultimate frisbee and you think of frisbees as something you casually throw at the beach or to a trained dog, then we have a misunderstanding. Ultimate is challenging and intense,[…] Keep reading →

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today’s post,  “Can I Lie to My Father About Being Gay So He Will Pay for My College Education?” I am a young gay man in college. My father generously pays for my tuition and rent. The problem[…] Keep reading →

Next time someone you hear “It’s not what you know, it’s whom you know,” tell them who said it they still don’t get it. More important than whom you know is your skill and ability to meet people. If you can meet people and make meaningful connections, then you can create for yourself the “whom you know.” It’s not what you know or whom you know. It’s how well you[…] Keep reading →

“Dude. Why don’t you take people’s numbers / email addresses?” At a video shoot last week, three people told me they wanted to follow up with me so I gave them my contact information. Immediately after the event, I wrote in my calendar to follow up, following my habit, “Schedule your follow-up when you email!” which I apply beyond email connections. After not hearing from them, I wrote my friend[…] Keep reading →

“What do I say to a 99-year-old woman?” “What do I say to a famous person?” “What do I say to someone who could help my career without seeming selfish?” All I could think to ask was what it’s like to be 99, which seemed irrelevant and the same question people have asked her for a decade. I don’t like when people find out I don’t eat meat and ask[…] Keep reading →

Frances invited me to her office. The first day I went, I approached the front desk. The security guy was friendly. As he processed my ID he said, “Oh yeah, Frances gets big visitors. Sometimes Generals come in. Four stars, ones from TV. They all have to wait for her.” Impressive! Her office is in a big Park Avenue high-rise office building in the 50s. The lobby had fifty-foot ceilings,[…] Keep reading →

Talk about leading people and a lot of people will talk to you about convincing people as a way of leading them. I recommend against this strategy. Convincing someone implies logically debating. Changing someone’s behavior means changing their motivations, which means changing their emotions. Logical argument evokes emotions of debate. Convincing motivates people to disagree. They also feel like you’re trying to impose your values on them. If you disagree[…] Keep reading →

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today’s post, “Is It Wrong If a Friend Sells My Hand-Me-Downs?” I have two small children and am frequently divesting our household of toys, clothes and other child supplies. I sell the larger items, but I typically give[…] Keep reading →