My pasts three posts were about how media misrepresents leadership like juvenile fantasies of beating people who disagree with you. If you don’t know how to lead, you might enjoy the drama of the misrepresentations, but you risk retarding your growth. It’s deeper than just leadership. Movies and TV dramatize and misrepresent nearly all relationships. The more I learn about relationships… Well, for one thing the more my life improves.[…] Keep reading →

“Just do what I say.” “Do it now.” “John, do X. Sally, do Y. I’ll do Z. Then we’ll met and put everything together.” Wouldn’t leadership be easy if we could tell everyone what to do and they’d do it? It never seems to work like that, though, does it? Most people understand that problems come up. They don’t always realize that command-and-control leadership often discourages people from working with[…] Keep reading →

“You don’t understand me!” “I wish I’d never been born!” Who hasn’t yelled something like that at their parents? I’m sure I did. I argued with my parents like all kids. I’ve grown since then and don’t argue like that any more. I still disagree, I just try more to seek understanding, not to confront so adversarially. I was just in a line and overheard two workers argue. They weren’t[…] Keep reading →

In March I performed a story at Stand Up For Passion, a growing series of events where people tell stories about passionate events in their lives. They posted the video of my story and here it is. I hope you like it. The events are happening increasingly all over the world. The next one in New York City is October 6. I recommend attending one. Here are the speakers from[…] Keep reading →

People considering personal change often express concern about losing friends. If they change their behavior and habits they won’t be able to hang out with the same people in the same way any more. I’ve gone through a lot of personal change. I’ve met many people who have. I’ve coached many people through it. Through it all, I’ve never met someone who regretted changing their social circle. Most wished they’d[…] Keep reading →

My professor cursed: “You’re too fucking cheap to buy my book?!” This was an Ivy League business school. I was stunned. Class just ended and I was asking him a question, as students do. Other students probably heard as they packed their bags and left the room. He had assigned his own book for the class. A couple weeks before, the bookstore clerk told me the book would come out[…] Keep reading →

I used to think the best way to strengthen a relationship was to avoid problems. Now I think differently. No two people agree on everything. Everyone has different values. Between every pair of people there will inevitably be conflict. More than that, you can never predict where or when the conflict will arise until it does. In other words, relationships have problems. Trying to avoid them is a fool’s errand.[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] I just got off the phone with a client who was preparing for a call with someone important to help her. She was nervous because of his status[…] Keep reading →

Today’s world presents leaders leading a group of people like a king or glorious leader, like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. It inspires people to seek that glorious position where they feel people look up to them. We misunderstand that view, the more I think about it. When armies went into battle then, the first person charging took the biggest risk. He made himself most vulnerable to attack, risking his life.[…] Keep reading →