Relationships

What is imperialism? Imagine two cultures. One lives within the means of its environment---that is, sustainably. The other lives beyond its means---that is, unsustainably. The sustainable culture will live in abundance. Being sustainable means it isn't living in scarcity. Everyone must have enough---actually, more than enough, as evidenced through sustaining through periods of drought. Eventually the unsustainable culture will run out of resources. If it keeps to itself, it can die out, or to continue, change to become sustainable. If it doesn't keep to itself, it may see the sustainable culture's abundance and covet it. If the unsustainable culture is stronger, say by having a larger population or superior weapons, it may take the materials it covets from the sustainable culture. This pattern is imperialism.…

Doof brings you predictable, reliable pleasure. It works every time. You don't have to think about anyone but yourself. You don't have to prepare anything. It's clean. Enjoy Coca-cola! Local fresh produce takes more effort to select. It can be bad sometimes. It's messier. It takes planning. It's different every time. You have to think about other people. You may have to put their considerations before yours. Doof disrespects other people. It minimizes their role, almost to where you can imagine they don't exist. If you did know their role, you'd feel ashamed of paying to put them in that role. You can tell yourself all you want it provides meaningful employment, but no one who didn't have to do it would. You consume doof…

When farmers grow for CSAs (where buyers like me pick up a weekly drop-off direct from the farm), they grow for specific people. They're motivated to grow for flavor and quantity most, it seems, as a customer who keeps buying from his CSA because the flavor is out of this world and the quantity for the price is high. When farmers grow for a farmers market, they grow for the produce to sell through a market. Flavor and quantity matter, but appearance and shelf life start to matter more. When farmers grow for supermarket chains, economic conditions, consistency, shipping durability, and other things that matter more to commodity markets in general than what I look for in a peach start to matter more. When farmers…

As I mentioned in my post on the biggest chips on my shoulder, the three people who understand my sustainability leadership work least: My dad, my mom, and my stepfather. For my father, as best I can tell, his impact on the environment and the people and other life in it are always trumped by family and his desire to travel. I think he understands that there are environmental problems and that they may cause people he cares about to suffer, but I don't think he's internalized it. In any case, when he wants to do something that pollutes, he seems always able to find a way to justify it. For my mom: as long as someone pollutes more than she does, she can point…

I don't often mention here how before coaching executives in the social and emotional skills of leadership, I coached mostly men and a few women on the social and emotional skills of attraction and dating. I still do, but less so, although most of my clients touch on it at some point in our coaching relationship. Intimacy and vulnerability in any area touch on intimate relationships. I mention it more on the podcast than in the blog. I still participate in some of the online forums I used to. I took more time than usual to answer a question one person posted. I thought it worth it to post my response here. The question is the title above. My answer is below: It's a broad…