Many studies show that quitting smoking and losing weight spread through networks like diseases do (see links below). Many other behavioral changes work similarly. I like academic studies, but we don’t just want information. We want to use it to improve our lives. Here’s how. Make behavior you want into habits Trying to change behavior through willpower alone doesn’t work in the long term, as my series on willpower described.[…] Keep reading →

Monday night I told my second story at the Moth, to about two hundred people. A bit scary, though not as scary as last time, but awesome! Improving public speaking improves your abilities in almost any field. Few structures match the story structure in engaging people to listen. That’s why I stuck my neck out to practice storytelling in public — to exercise useful skills. And to have fun, of[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on empathy gaps. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] A second post from the book Willpower… Leading yourself and others requires foreseeing that doing something hard feels harder, longer, more frustrating, and so on than you expect. At the beginning you say,[…] Keep reading →

Today I’ll cover one of my most liberating allegories. I don’t remember where I heard it. Some karate students asked their teacher how he always kept his balance no matter what happened. He said, “On the contrary, I’m always losing my balance. But I’m always regaining it too.” Since I learned that lesson, I stopped trying to avoid making mistakes. I say and do what I feel is right or[…] Keep reading →

I’ve struggled with some questions for a while. What enables greatness? Do you need to let go of your safety net to become great? We all know stories of people who sacrificed everything sensible to reach greatness. They sold all their possessions and went to Hollywood. They practiced day and night for years, sacrificing fun times. They gave up on promising careers to reach their dreams. If you jump a[…] Keep reading →

A friend asked “Why unreservedly open your heart to anyone or anything when there is such strong potential for disappointment, failure, heartache or apocalyptic disaster”. I wrote back the following: I experimented along those lines a few years ago and ended up improving my life and nearly every relationship. I’ll share my experience in case you can use it. I won’t feel bad if you ignore it. Regarding building relationships,[…] Keep reading →

A friend asked why guys who have trouble meeting women insult them. With the worst insults you can think of, no less. As we’ll see, not only men in that context do it. In other contexts women do it. And not just about other people. I do it. You do it. Everybody does it. What’s going on? Let’s look at the pattern. It keeps you from improving your life, so[…] Keep reading →