I gave a talk yesterday I’d prepared months for. I think it went well. I’ll hear from the organizers soon and get their impressions. On my way home I felt like I wanted to indulge in something to reward the effort in preparation. Years ago indulging meant ice cream, pretzels, chips, beer, wine, or something like that. Over the years, I’ve come to see those foods as less rewarding. They[…] Keep reading →

What can you not define in terms of other things? I can define most things in terms of more fundamental things. Music is a bunch of sounds. Trees are kinds of plants. Books are assemblies of paper with writing on them. Some things feel harder to define in terms of more fundamental things. How do you define the color blue in terms of something more fundamental? You can describe photons[…] Keep reading →

Over and over as I work with clients and students, as they learn to understand and manage their emotions, when they look back at their lives they see choices and actions they now know they would do differently. They notice relationships they mishandled, choices they would make differently, behavior that led them astray, and so on. I do the same thing. I think of relationships I lost, school and job[…] Keep reading →

The movie Thirteen Days illustrated how John Kennedy and the executive branch handled the Cuban Missile Crisis. I recommend the movie (and Robert Kennedy’s book of the same name). I edited some parts to highlight one aspect of the situation—the personal perspectives and behavior of people closest to the President. While you won’t likely face decisions with stakes as high as nuclear war, you’ll face similar structures of conflict. Many[…] Keep reading →

I keep hearing people say that if only they lived in a time of greater crisis, they could have achieved more. They look at George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and other famous leaders and notice they emerged through crises. I read a Harvard Business Review article implying people have to go through crucibles to develop as leaders. You don’t have to overcome adversity to achieve a lot.[…] Keep reading →

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post, “Why do people always associate empathy with feeling down?” on a topic I’ve explored before—that people associate empathy with feelings people don’t like. I find that association counterproductive and missing many feelings people can share. A reader wrote about how the post reminded her of her childhood. What she wrote echoed something I hear at my seminars when I talk about others[…] Keep reading →

Yesterday I compared emotions to fire and pain—things we don’t enjoy feeling but we can use to improve our lives if we know how to use them. Calling them negative leads us to suppress and deny them—the opposite of self-awareness—which takes away our ability to improve our lives. I call that counterproductive. I think sharp knives might make a more helpful analogy. I might call sharp knives negative if I[…] Keep reading →