New York City is having the most mild summer I can remember. We’ve barely hit ninety degrees and that was at least a month ago. Since then we’ve had cool, spring-like weather most of the summer. The other evening walking with friends, I noticed how loud the sounds of window air conditioners were in the small streets of the West Village. The temperature and humidity outside couldn’t have been more[…] Keep reading →

[Last week I posted a five-part series on a mental model I have for how our passion and attraction grows and wanes over time and the consequences of that pattern, according to the model. Today I’m posting them all in one post.] Day 1: Introducing a new model: Passion and Attraction I’m starting a new series today on a new model, this time on passion and attraction. Everyone I showed[…] Keep reading →

Time I put a lot more time into making the graphs and writing the posts of the past week than usual — at least a couple full days just graphing before writing a word. Why Why did I put so much time in? Not because I didn’t have lots to do. Because people who saw early versions of the graphs told me it helped them better understand Their intimate relationships[…] Keep reading →

What can we learn from the Passion-Attraction Model? While the model can apply to everyone, we each have different values and circumstances, so we each have to choose for ourselves how to live our lives and act in relationships. Understanding the Passion-Attraction Model and its consequences can help you understand yourself and your partners, on your own and in relationships if you feel it describes you well. (If you don’t,[…] Keep reading →

Yesterday’s post considered a single alternative to a committed partner. If you plan to commit to someone for ten, twenty, thirty, or more years, you can expect you and your partner will meet people who, in the moment, attract you and excite passion more than each other. Review and discussion about One Alternative Recall, the Passion-Attraction Model doesn’t tell you how to behave, though if you feel it represents your[…] Keep reading →

Yesterday’s post ended by describing a typical goal — what you hope to get if you want to commit to a relationship, at least concerning passion and attraction: an enduring relationship with lots of passion and attraction, smooth edges, and never fading away. When you and a partner both reach that goal, many people choose to commit to each other. In my experience, choosing to commit doesn’t mean living happily[…] Keep reading →

Yesterday covered how the Passion-Attraction Model described passion and attraction in a relationship. Today we’ll look at how you might grow as a person and parter. We’ll end today with a typical goal you might work toward (before moving on to challenges and risks tomorrow). Despite the nice clean curves in the graphs, you don’t know what curve you’re on. If you feel like you’re at the peak of a[…] Keep reading →

Yesterday covered the basic Passion-Attraction Model and some caveats. Today let’s look at how the P-AM models passion and attraction in a single relationship. (Tomorrow we’ll look at it multiple relationships). I find that the better I can visualize many ideas, the more clearly I can think about them, so this model’s illustrations help me understand my feelings in a relationship. Then I can plan and act to improve myself[…] Keep reading →

I’m starting a new series today on a new model, this time on passion and attraction. Everyone I showed it to told me it gave them useful insights, so I expect you’ll find value in it too. I’ll apply the model mainly to intimate relationships, but you can also apply it to anything that evokes passion, attraction, or both, like hobbies, jobs, sports, and so on. So what does a[…] Keep reading →