Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is a take on today’s post,”The Perks of Being a Layabout.” My 28-year-old son has decided to become a novelist. He recently took a part-time job at a grocery store, working just 15 hours a week to pay his bills, leaving him[…] Keep reading →

Every seminar I lead and client I coach, when I describe how to lead by evoking people’s passions, somebody asks if the technique isn’t manipulation. I understand the question from how effective I say the techniques work. The question also saddens me, as I’ll describe. It passes the Golden Rule People don’t ask if it’s manipulation after someone uses the technique on them, which is one of the exercises we[…] Keep reading →

I write a lot about judgment and non-judgmental behavior. I won’t lie. I like to judge people. I decide whom I consider valuable or not, whom I think looks good or not, or has taste or social skills and so on. People seem mortified after doing the exercise in “The most effective self-awareness exercise I know of.” Seeing their thoughts written out on paper and realize how much they judge[…] Keep reading →

EDIT: since writing this post I came up with the term doof, which I describe in this podcast episode: I recommend never calling doof food or food doof. Here’s the original post: Did you know antifreeze tastes sweet? It will also kill you if you drink it. Laws require putting something in it to taste bitter because its sweetness leads kids, dogs, cats, and other pets to drink it. Like[…] Keep reading →

Do you stress over eating more than your want on the holidays? I found a great way not to that applies in many other places. Since getting more fit, I’m more sensitive to smaller changes in my fitness. When I used to have more fat, eating more than I wanted for a few meals didn’t change much on my body. To go from having some fat to a little more[…] Keep reading →

“Need” is a powerful word. People use it wrong a lot. If you do, you’re probably hurting your credibility and ability to influence. It implies sloppy communication and probably sloppy thinking. People often say things like: “You need to calm down,” when they want you calm, “You need to be quiet,” when they want you quiet, “You need to listen more,” when they want you to understand them, and so[…] Keep reading →

I almost missed the anniversary of starting my thirty days of cold showers last December, followed by taking cold showers every fourth day since. That comes out to about 75 cold showers, the coldest reaching 39.9F, the first thirty being at least five minutes long. Most people, thinking about the physical discomfort of a cold shower, dismiss the activity as crazy. Some sincerely ask about it. A small number act[…] Keep reading →

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is a take on today’s post, ”A Survey Course in Campus Ethics.” I teach part time at a well-respected regional college. For the past few years, the college has accepted several students from China who do not, in my opinion, have the[…] Keep reading →

I think dessert is standard after dinner in the U.S., especially at restaurants. Even if you don’t eat one, they give you the dessert menu to think about it. I read that only a generation ago dessert tended to be just a piece of fruit, and not every day. Less dessert seems like less sweets, but more overall appreciation of sweetness. That is, I think eating less or fewer sweets[…] Keep reading →