Redefining failure

Life has only one finishing line, which is when you die (I hope I didn't break that news to you). Everything else is a part of life -- no more an end to one thing before than a beginning to something else. That view seems inarguable. Whatever happens to you, no matter how much you like it or not, if you haven't died you'll continue past it. So how can anything be a failure? Sure, you can call any result a failure, but you never have to. If it didn't go your way, you still haven't finished yet, so you can still make something of it. Everyone has had things go the opposite of how they wanted from the most successful person to the least.…

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One of my top principles for business relationships: After the project, I want teammates glad to work with me and wanting to work with me again

After yesterday's post on my principle to avoid surprising teammates in business, today I'll mention one of my other top principles in business relationships: I want people I work with glad to have worked with me and wanting to work with me again. Though this one speaks for itself, I think it bears repeating and reinforcing why it works. This principle Puts accountability to the people you work with as one of your top priorities Forces you to think of the team first Forces you to think long-term Forces you to consider other people's values, not just yours Forces you to take responsibility for your relationships, not just to hope for the best Motivates you to communicate with others and check in with them periodically…

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One of my top principles for business relationships: No surprises

I love a surprise birthday party. I love to surprise friends with good news. I once surprised a girlfriend with a Tiffany's necklace. All great experiences. I love surprises with friends. In business I strive not to surprise anyone I work with (competitors I like to surprise)-- not with news I think they don't want to hear, nor with news I think they do want to hear. When I figure out how to involve teammates with information or decisions I often think the words No surprises and it guides me to better outcomes, though sometimes challenging processes. Business opportunities and deals come and go. Relationships last, or they can, at least, if you keep them effective. Not surprising people keeps them wanting to work with…

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Do you confuse a reason to do something with an excuse not to?

When the topic of meditation came up the other day I heard the same thing I've heard many times before. I'm sure you've heard and said similar thing for similar activities: "Oh, I can't meditate. My mind is too frantic. I wish I could." Maybe you've heard or said it in this form: "Oh, I can't go to the gym. I'm too out-of-shape. I wish I could." or: "Oh, I wish I could organize my life. I'm just too busy. I wish I could" or in the generic form: "I wish I could do X, but I'm too what-X-fixes. I wish I could." Everyone who learned to do X, be it meditating, getting fit, keeping their life organized, or whatever, faced the same challenges and…

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You probably blow smoke in kids’ faces without realizing. You can stop.

New York City is having the most mild summer I can remember. We've barely hit ninety degrees and that was at least a month ago. Since then we've had cool, spring-like weather most of the summer. The other evening walking with friends, I noticed how loud the sounds of window air conditioners were in the small streets of the West Village. The temperature and humidity outside couldn't have been more comfortable. I could only think the following thoughts about their unnecessarily using their air conditioners: Air conditioners use energy. That energy comes mainly from fossil fuels. Fossil fuels pollute. Pollution makes us unhealthy. Me: With weather this perfect, the air conditioners aren't improving the air for these people. They might as well light up a…

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“That’s not art. I could do it.” — A new interpretation that activates art and yourself

We've all heard someone say "That's not art. I could do it." Maybe you said it yourself. The comment can lead to interesting discussion on what makes art, but rarely. It can lead you to realizing that the value of art doesn't depend on how hard it was to create. The usual response is "Well, you didn't. And they did it first." I suggest a new response. If the person who says it, perhaps yourself, sees beauty or truth in the work of art, suggest that they re-create it. Seriously suggest they do what they say they can do. They could have a museum-quality work of art on their wall if they do, for only the cost of materials. When you look at art with…

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Edward Snowden — Whistleblower

[My previous post is my second-to-the-last on my series on daily and weekly beliefs that improve my life and may improve yours, in no particular order. See the introduction to the series and the value of flexibility in beliefs for background. The last one will be an introduction to the whole series, to come soon.] I haven't written about freedom and the Freedombox project in a while. If you've followed the leak about the information about how much the U.S. Government is spying on seemingly everyone it can, you can imagine I feel strongly about it. Readers here know the value I hold for accountability in leadership. Secrecy seems antithetical to accountability so the news seems to reveal something counter to what I consider effective…

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A model to replace jerks with people who improve your life

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Who hasn't had to deal with an annoying coworker? Or boss? Or family member? ... someone you couldn't get away from and had to treat respectfully, no matter what you felt about them? I once worked on a consulting project for a company with a difficult-to-work-with (to put it mildly) CEO. He was friendly before the project started, and you could see how he brought in clients, but I found him overbearing with his team. Soon after the project started I…

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A model to live like beautiful people do

[Today is the forty-second in a series on daily and weekly beliefs that improve my life and may improve yours, in no particular order. See the introduction to the series and the value of flexibility in beliefs for background.] People commonly believe that beautiful women have better lives than everybody else and that they have access to more valuable things. I came across that belief a lot when I used to go out dancing a lot. The evidence seemed overwhelming -- they automatically get invited to the best parties, they get past the doorpeople, men buy them drinks if the club doesn't already give them, and so on. In regular life, studies show attractive people get paid more, get promoted more, and so on. Sounds…

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A model to promote responsibility

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Today's model polarizes. That is, it doesn't build consensus or bring people together. While building consensus and bringing people together may sometimes help in politics, if you want to stick to your values, you won't improve your life by living partly by your values while mixing in some other peoples' values you disagree with. So today's model will create a model that, for me at least, separates an embodiment of my values from its antithesis which, for me, helps me live…

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A model to improve your environment

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] How would you like for everything in your life to look better and for everyone to treat you better? For everything in your life to improve? Today's belief is one of the most powerful you can have, as is the strategy it leads to. People also happen to oppose it the most. When I state it simply and abstractly, they agree with it. When I apply it to them, they push back against it. You will too. If I can take…

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A model for stress that calms you down

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Does the world stress you out? Do people and things cause you stress? Do you get even more stressed at your helplessness to reduce how stressful the world is? Do you get even more frustrated and depressed at your bad luck that you had to be born at a time when the world was so stressful? Would you be glad to know you can decrease all that stress? No medicine required. You don't have to change anything except your beliefs. But…

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How not to overspend on things you don’t want

I can't resist reposting a comment I posted on the forum of one of my favorite other blogs, Mr. Money Mustache. I'm reposting it because two other readers rated my response highly, one giving my response this animated image, making me proud. The post I responded to Alright mustachians [the term for people in the Mr. Money Mustache community who practice his principles of not spending money on stuff that doesn't improve your life] I need your sage advice. In the last three months I have really cut down on my bad habits. I pack my own lunch to work every day. I broke up with cable. I stopped ordering books from amazon on a regular basis. I changed my eating habits from quick and…

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Don’t be Walter: an example

Yesterday I wrote about the quintessential I'm-right-you're-wrong-and-I'm-going-to-convince-you-of-it-no-matter-what-it-takes situation with extreme escalation by Walter in the Big Lebowski. The last edit I made was to add the parenthetical comment in "What makes this clip so funny and brilliant (besides the movie's running jokes, like the Vietnam references) is...". I couldn't help but notice, if you don't look too carefully, that you could understand the Vietnam conflict from this perspective, with the United States political decision-makers as Walter. Read the archetype as I listed it yesterday with that conflict in mind. (Before you start to write to tell me how much I missed and how wrong I am, my point isn't to be right, just to give another perspective. See what you can learn from it.) You…

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If you think you’re right and they’re wrong, you’re probably annoying someone, illustrated

Two years ago I wrote about a movie clip that illustrates how we feel when we feel we're right, the other person is wrong, and we have to convince them of it. https://joshuaspodek.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/The_Big_Lebowski_on_Right_and_Wrong_Versus_Not_Being_an_A-ho.mp4 I wrote recently how if you think you’re right and someone else is wrong, you’re probably pissing someone off. We've all been on all sides of such situations -- aggressor, defender, third-party observer. You see something you feel self-righteous about. You declare you're right and the other person is wrong. They defend themselves. You feel powerless to achieve your goal so your emotions become intense and you escalate (represented by the gun in this clip). The other person digs their heels in too. You feel everybody else doesn't get it and talks…

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You won the Tour de France as many times as Lance Armstrong

It's obvious, but still fun to say. Try it. Point out to a friend that you Tour de France as many times as Lance Armstrong. Why point this out? Credibility and reputation count for a lot in business and relationships in general. It seems to me that the credibility and reputations of people who don't cheat suffer if people who do cheat keep the same quality of credibility and reputation as they do. I feel compassion for him, but I also recognize he chose to do everything he did. I remain impressed with what he was able to achieve physically, but not impressed with his winning any competitions because I don't know if he ever competed for anything. He may have, and he may have…

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An entrepreneurial example of leading by example

In September, 2001, the company I co-founded, Submedia, was installing its first display in Atlanta for our first big launch. We anticipated a lot of press. Giving away part of how the story ends, we did get a lot of media attention. The night before launch was crazy -- we had a few hours to finish installing the display, we had to prepare for the Fire Marshall's inspection the morning before the launch, and we had national, Atlanta-based, and possibly some New York-based press scheduled to attend the launch. At the pace we had worked before, we'd need more than a few hours to finish. Needless to say, we, nor anyone else, had ever installed or launched a commercial display like ours. We had no…

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How you look at things solves problems, NASA-style

A scene from the inspirational docudrama Apollo 13 based on the true rescue of a disaster in space illustrates a great example of how different models and beliefs can motivate different motivations and behavior. The scene is the control room after a lunar mission suffered an explosion and three astronauts' lives were in peril as their ship hurdled through space with little chance at recovery. The characters are a fictional character representing NASA's public relations named Henry Hurt, an unnamed NASA Director Hurt interviews, and Gene Krantz, the Flight Director. This clip, though perhaps overly dramatized, shows different aspects of adopting different perspectives. Taking responsibility and looking forward versus accepting fate and looking to make excuses. Not basing your model on being right or just…

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Responsibility and accountability: expect stagnation without them

The other day I saw a post for a headline that caught my eye "On Scale of 0 to 500, Beijing’s Air Quality Tops ‘Crazy Bad’ at 755" because I was just in Beijing. I remember early one evening looking up in the sky and seeing a low flying airplane. Actually, I only saw its lights in the smog. I got confused looking at it because it looked close, so I expected it to appear to move fast. But it was moving so slowly I figured it had to be very far away. Then I realized why it didn't look like it was moving. It wasn't. It was the light at the top of a building a couple blocks away. The smog was so dense…

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Why labels and symbols don’t change things; and what they are effective at

Following up yesterday's post, when I talk to people about something they judge, like torture, the topic that motivated yesterday's post, some of them point out that once you decide something is torture or right or wrong, you can do something about it. People like labeling things because labels mean so much. If you don't call a behavior torture, they think, people don't know what it means. Once you call it torture, they continue, you attach meaning to it and you can do something about it. I agree it attaches meaning, but when you use a word or a phrase or a symbol as shorthand for something, you don't know what meaning anyone else attaches to it. One person hears torture and thinks "illegal violation of…

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Instead of calling something right, wrong, good, or bad, consider the consequences of your actions

I just watched Zero Dark Thirty and read a bunch of stuff about torture. People often ask about morality and ethics -- is such an action right or wrong, good or bad. Asking the morality of actions and behavior doesn't change them. I don't see categorizing, judging, and  labeling things helping. Calling something good, bad, right, wrong, etc does no more than label them (tomorrow I'll write more on why labels don't change things). I think people think they are making sense of things for themselves and helping others understand, but I don't think it works out that way. Or they think if they label something enough or with enough argument or emotion others will agree. But if one person says something is wrong, someone…

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Life has never been more stressful, nor less; happiness never harder to achieve, nor easier

If you think something external is causing you stress or keeping you from the life you want, you're looking in the wrong place. This early passage in Walden reminded me of how the challenges of living your life how you want to change with the external changes of the world. Thoreau could have described today. Most men, even in this comparatively free country, through mere ignorance and mistake, are so occupied with the factitious cares and superfluously coarse labors of life that its finer fruits cannot be plucked by them. Their fingers, from excessive toil, are too clumsy and tremble too much for that. Actually, the laboring man has not leisure for a true integrity day by day; he cannot afford to sustain the manliest…

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Responsibility and consuming resources

I remember as a kid in the 70s being taught a policy to turn off lights when I was the last to leave a room. People put stickers on light switches with that message. I don't see that message that much any more. People seem to generally project that saving energy is better than not saving energy, but I see the idea more used to market selling products than changing personal behavior. I'll leave for another time the counterproductivity of selling more things to reduce consuming resources. Responsibility I'd rather talk about personal responsibility and consuming resources. I have found responsibility one of the most fundamental concepts in leadership, principally in my words to live by Don't look for blame but take responsibility for making…

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Obesity, insults, and living by your values

In a recent online discussion a guy talking about a tv show on morbidly obese people talked about people on the show disparagingly. He also said he used to be fat. Other people took him to task and criticized him as insulting and rude. I'm not sure I agree he was necessarily insulting and rude. For one thing, he later clarified he said what he did in part "to galvanise people into action and not blame their condition on nebulous causes." To me, that intent meets the Golden Rule. Maybe I'm revealing my ignorance and not that I say "you're fat" to anyone, but I don't see calling someone fat as insulting. If someone takes being called fat as an insult, I see it as…

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Perceiving tragedy

At the risk of posting too much on the recent storm and handling challenges, one more angle. Imagine a storm destroys two neighbors' houses equally. Imagine they also have equal material resources to handle the situation. One neighbor looks at the wreckage and says My home is destroyed. I have to start from scratch. But I built my life up in the first place. I can do it again. I can survive this challenge and make my life as good as it was before. Maybe I can learn from the experience and make it better. The other looks at their wreckage and says My home is destroyed. My life is ruined. What can I do? Who will help me? Where is FEMA? Who is to…

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