Blaming other people is effective at solving problems if you can change other people and you can go back in time to change the past. For the rest of us, blame is effective at polarizing others against you and undermining relationships. If that’s your goal, I recommend it. It’s also effective at making you feel self-righteous and superior, until the polarization kicks in and you feel alienated or like you[…] Keep reading →

Speaking of Washington Square Park, I want to call attention to the children’s hills in the south west corner. Everyone agrees kids benefit from playing in nature, like in woods, on trees, in rivers and oceans, and on grassy spaces. Notice anything wrong with this picture of that space? The kids look like they’re having fun. The trees look like trees. Does the grass look a little too green? Does[…] Keep reading →

I keep hearing people say that if only they lived in a time of greater crisis, they could have achieved more. They look at George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and other famous leaders and notice they emerged through crises. I read a Harvard Business Review article implying people have to go through crucibles to develop as leaders. You don’t have to overcome adversity to achieve a lot.[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you get that guilt and blame don’t help your life but you can’t stop yourself from blaming others sometimes and feeling guilty other times? Do[…] Keep reading →

Early in my blog I posted about how people often don’t realize how much they judge and blame, even when they believe they don’t. People often say others judge and blame when the others’ values differ. When they themselves judge and blame they just think they’re calling it like it is. As I wrote then, it’s easy to say you don’t judge or blame when talking about other people’s values[…] Keep reading →

Prelude: this is about leadership (of others and yourself) Yesterday I outlined an essay on the counterproductivity of deciding right and wrong for people who disagree with you. Today I’m fleshing out the essay. The point of this blog is to help people lead — to influence others, to work with them in teams, to negotiate with them, and so on — even when you disagree. So I’ll leave deciding[…] Keep reading →

I liked Michael Pollan‘s Omnivore’s Dilemma, which people have suggested I read for years. I like his perspective on food and “food.” I don’t intend for the following to detract from his overall message, but his chapter 17, “The Ethics of Eating Animals,” makes a great example for leadership. Leadership means motivating others, which means changing their emotions. Few of us like when others motivate us with guilt or blame,[…] Keep reading →