A friend started a job and found after a week that she couldn’t stand it. She asked me for advice on leaving, wondering if after one week was too soon and how to tell the person she was working for. The first thing I asked her? “Did anyone refer or recommend you to this job?” She said yes, two people recommended her. I said “Since you asked me for advice[…] Keep reading →

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is a take on today’s post,”Should Free Office Food Be Taken Home?” My company offers certain food items free in our office pantry. Every morning, my co-worker Brandon eats a serving of Cheerios from the pantry while getting settled for the day.[…] Keep reading →

I’ve almost finished recording the audio for an online course in many of the exercises I’ve posted here. I expect many people will find doing it a life-changing experience (like they will with my next seminar, this Saturday in Soho). I had been planning to make the course for a long time, thinking of how to write the perfect text and organize it all. I wasn’t creating anything. Then a[…] Keep reading →

Since my posts, “The smallest effective difference” and “Minimum effective behavior,” I’ve meant to write an exercise in using less. The day after Thanksgiving,when people tend to consume more than they want, seems timely. As usual, the point of an exercise is partly for the immediate outcome, but mainly to develop new skills. New skills change your behavior and beliefs in the long term. So while the exercise may seem[…] Keep reading →

As much as I advise people not to do it, I catch myself relying on willpower when it won’t work all the time. Willpower is when you do something counter to what your emotional system motivates you to do. If you put a chocolate bar in front of someone who loves chocolate, their motivational system makes them want to eat it. If they are trying to avoid sugar, it takes[…] Keep reading →

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is a take on today’s post,”Sorry, No One’s Sitting There.” When my wife and I go to the movies, I typically buy a third reserved seat so I can keep the seat next to me empty. I prefer — but by no[…] Keep reading →

Continuing my series on responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on them, here is a take on today’s post,”What if an Athlete Wants to Bet on Himself?“ An athlete who bets against his team — or himself — clearly has a conflict of interest in the outcome of the game. It’s not obvious to me, however,[…] Keep reading →