Yesterday I compared emotions to fire and pain—things we don’t enjoy feeling but we can use to improve our lives if we know how to use them. Calling them negative leads us to suppress and deny them—the opposite of self-awareness—which takes away our ability to improve our lives. I call that counterproductive. I think sharp knives might make a more helpful analogy. I might call sharp knives negative if I[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on principles to create ideas people want to help you with and creating a helpful, supportive community around you. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view that series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] You wouldn’t believe how much access you have to people, both the number of people and how[…] Keep reading →

Yet again, another paper on empathy only associates it with emotions we don’t like—sadness, loss, etc. Almost never laughter, joy, fun, and feelings we like. I wrote about this before and how catastrophically it impedes people from developing what is otherwise an important tool for relationships, leadership, your own health, and more. I’m not even going to mention the paper because it’s so counterproductive. Wikipedia describes empathy like: discerning what[…] Keep reading →

I don’t claim to be a great cook. I don’t like unnecessary gadgets. I avoid promoting businesses for no reason. But, man, do I like my Hitachi Chime-o-matic rice cooker / vegetable steamer / miracle appliance. I call it a miracle appliance for fun because I can’t figure out how it knows when to turn off, but it does, every time. I like the kitschy name Chime-o-matic. Mostly I love[…] Keep reading →

Blaming other people is effective at solving problems if you can change other people and you can go back in time to change the past. For the rest of us, blame is effective at polarizing others against you and undermining relationships. If that’s your goal, I recommend it. It’s also effective at making you feel self-righteous and superior, until the polarization kicks in and you feel alienated or like you[…] Keep reading →

My friend, visiting from overseas, described the difficulty we all feel away from home when we can’t do the morning routine we like. Nearly everyone has a morning routine that starts their day right for them. I see a higher-level strategy: if something happens regularly, habitualize it. I love discovering things, but I don’t see any benefit in trying to discover a new ordering between showering, eating breakfast, brushing my[…] Keep reading →

[EDIT February 2020: I gathered, edited, and compiled all the posts I listed below into my book ReModel, which I recommend if you prefer a more curated experience with less clicking. Either way, I recommend doing the exercise. It gives a new way of seeing the world that costs nothing and takes little time.] This series covers my doing my Write Your Beliefs exercise, which I’ve found one of the[…] Keep reading →

I wrote the following to someone and couldn’t help sharing it here. There’s a common belief that passions are something you find. Like if you just turn over enough rocks you’ll find yours. It’s a nice fantasy and excuse for people who haven’t achieved much to explain why they haven’t and others have: “Well, I could do as much as so-and-so if I had found my passion. When I do[…] Keep reading →

Different people suggest starting habits different ways. Some say to start with behavior, like setting a New Year’s resolution or doing it every day for a month. Others suggest starting by changing your environment, like by putting a note on your computer monitor or daily schedule, wearing a device that measures your exercise, or joining a web page that tracks and reminds you. That’s all low-level tactics. Tactics, no matter[…] Keep reading →