“Nice guys finish last.” Alone, this thought has probably condemned many men and women to abandon being nice. Accurate or not, combined with another belief, that the alternative to being nice is to be a jerk, further condemns people to being jerks. Jerks—people with one type of poor relationship skills—even when materially successful, seem likely to face emptiness in intimacy, what many consider the most important parts of their lives.[…] Keep reading →

I adopt new technologies slowly, often not at all before the trend passes. If you’ve ever thrown away something you felt you needed when you bought it and now can’t give away, I believe you’ll find doing so helps you enjoy life more. If you know that the middle of the Pacific, thousands of miles from land, has garbage polluting it, I suggest you consider slowing your adoption too. I’m not[…] Keep reading →

I hope long time readers are asking, “What?!” Five years ago, in my fifth post on this blog, I wrote “Less, please,” which founded one of my most fundamental practices, one I recommend to everyone. That post described reducing my wall of books to about ten, learning about my values and discovering freedom where I used to feel weighed down. I’ve since gotten rid of more books and more other[…] Keep reading →

The reader I responded to Saturday also wrote the following: in the meanwhile i am writing to a medical doctor who is also a fitness expert so that i can meet her and set up a program that looks at both nutrition and exercise She’s doing what a lot of people do, especially well-educated businesspeople who have developed habits to analyze things before acting. I do so too on many[…] Keep reading →

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today’s post, “How Do I Handle a Claim of Sexual Assault by a Close Friend?” Several months ago, a female friend told me that, six months earlier, a close male friend of mine sexually assaulted a female friend[…] Keep reading →

The more I cook from whole vegetables, fruits, legumes, nuts, and so on, the more skeptically I look at companies that prepare food. Restaurants and packaged foods are designed to entertain your mouth, not to sustain you. If the people behind them have to sacrifice your health for their profit, they’ll do it. Increasingly I see them as seeking profit at the expense of my health, since what makes the[…] Keep reading →

A reader asked the following: Regarding exercise, I have been able to start with my running and I still have some questions around managing what i eat when.. evening times seem a kind of “let it all go” time.. any suggestions you have towards that would be great. She suggested adding that she’s “of Asian origin.” I’ll share what worked for me. Since there are a million books on diet[…] Keep reading →

A reader wrote to ask about my August 2012 post, “Three things I learned from yoga” “With yoga you can use your body alone to create many emotions and learn how to handle them.” Have you written more about this? I can only see me creating fear, determination, calmness, anger and patience. These don’t count to many, so I wonder what other emotions could one create? I haven’t done yoga[…] Keep reading →

Do you ever have someone not return your emails for a long time? Over the summer I had a two-person team not return several emails for a few months. The correspondence was low priority, but I didn’t want to lose the project. They said they wanted to continue, and I believed them. Usually persisting politely without losing patience works. This time it didn’t. It’s easy to get angry, feel disrespected,[…] Keep reading →