Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today’s post, “Taxicab Confessions.” Last night I witnessed an assault on a taxi driver. After the passenger jumped out of the cab and kicked it repeatedly, the driver got out and confronted the man. The man suddenly began[…] Keep reading →

People considering personal change often express concern about losing friends. If they change their behavior and habits they won’t be able to hang out with the same people in the same way any more. I’ve gone through a lot of personal change. I’ve met many people who have. I’ve coached many people through it. Through it all, I’ve never met someone who regretted changing their social circle. Most wished they’d[…] Keep reading →

My professor cursed: “You’re too fucking cheap to buy my book?!” This was an Ivy League business school. I was stunned. Class just ended and I was asking him a question, as students do. Other students probably heard as they packed their bags and left the room. He had assigned his own book for the class. A couple weeks before, the bookstore clerk told me the book would come out[…] Keep reading →

I used to think the best way to strengthen a relationship was to avoid problems. Now I think differently. No two people agree on everything. Everyone has different values. Between every pair of people there will inevitably be conflict. More than that, you can never predict where or when the conflict will arise until it does. In other words, relationships have problems. Trying to avoid them is a fool’s errand.[…] Keep reading →

You can learn to recover from mistakes. I don’t think you can do everything perfect. Maybe you can on solo projects but not when your project involves other people with conflicting values. While I do things the best I can, I don’t kid myself to think I can do them perfectly from everyone’s perspective. Having the goal sets you up to find failure where you don’t have to. When you[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] I just got off the phone with a client who was preparing for a call with someone important to help her. She was nervous because of his status[…] Keep reading →

In yesterday’s session on starting habits, when I described how easy it was finally to floss my teeth daily after I started my burpees. An attendee asked me to clarify. After the session ended, others asked me to clarify more and the following diagrams emerged. Starting burpees This chart schematically shows my burpee habit performance. Flossing before burpees This chart schematically shows my flossing habit before I started doing burpees.[…] Keep reading →

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today’s post, “Do I Have to Keep a Secret About a Family Member’s Health?“ My uncle’s daughter texted this message to me a few days ago: “You didn’t hear this from me, and pretend this conversation didn’t take[…] Keep reading →

Few people like unsolicited advice. People of every culture love stories. Mostly I write posts about observations based on my perspectives on leadership, but I think a lot of it reads like unsolicited advice. Meanwhile, I don’t tell many stories. In other words, my behavior is inconsistent with my beliefs. I’ve meant to write more stories, especially the stories that led me to the observations and perspectives I’m trying to[…] Keep reading →