Awareness

Awareness / Blog / Humor

Some self-talk you’ll recognize, to improve your self-awareness

I've written before about the value of raising awareness of your self-talk and two exercises to raise it. The first is to write out your self-talk. The second, and harder, is to voice it. I still consider the first -- writing your self-talk a few times a day every day for a week -- one of the best, if not the best, self-awareness raising exercises I know of. I start each client with it and each learns tremendously. For that matter, I did it again myself earlier this year and learned a lot from it. They learn a lot. For an exercise that costs zero cash to do and takes only a few minutes a day for a week, I can't believe everyone doesn't do…

October 23, 2012

Awareness / Blog

If we return to the same happiness level eventually, why do we prefer winning lotteries to becoming quadriplegic?

(Working on a presentation, I had to rewrite a post from a couple months ago. It's very similar to the original, but I thought there'd be value in posting a slightly different way of putting it. I hope that value is more important than the repetition). If you read this blog you know about the researchers who asked people who won huge lotteries and people who just had accidents leading to becoming quadriplegic how happy they were. The lottery winners were happier. But when they asked them a year later, the difference in happiness disappeared. Everyone seemed about as happy as they had been before either event. I'm going to draw two different, more valuable conclusions than most. If we end up at the same…

October 21, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Fitness / Leadership

Sports and passion

I ask people about their passions a lot. Many tell me they have no passions, which makes me sad for them. I don't think passions are something you find lying around but something you create and build from small interests through self-awareness, effort, and dedication. It means they haven't created something they could have. They either never invested enough to find out what it took to create a passion or, if they did, capitulated on the effort. Or they're young enough not to have had the chance yet. I've written before about the sink-or-swim moment experience in college that taught me the meaning of competition -- that I had to work hard to make something of myself and the decades of reward it brought me.…

September 28, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Humor

People who claim not to judge and blame often do, illustrated, part 2

Following yesterday's post on the Daily Show's showing people saying they include and accept exclude and dismiss, here's another on blaming and finger pointing, claiming others are doing it, not you. Watching the clip is funny, but I'm including it here because it gives us a chance to introspect. The point of this blog is to provide tools and insight to learn and grow, and I think this clip does -- though the surreality of the bit where the guy doesn't stop finger-pointing while saying others should is amazing. The people in the video seem blind about their different standards, begging the question of what we ourselves are blind to. Think you're not blind to some hypocrisy in yourself? So did they. I suggest you…

September 23, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Fitness / Nature

Where do you buy fruits and vegetables?

I was inspired to write the past couple days of food-related posts by an article about the food store I grew up with in Philadelphia called Weaver's Way, which my family called just "the co-op." The store is a cooperative, meaning you have to be a co-owner to shop and you have to work a certain number of hours per year. When I was younger and lived in Philadelphia I had to work some of the hours for my family. Whether you consider buying and preparing food relevant to leadership or life-improvement, I'll leave for you to decide. As for me, the connection seems clear, particularly if you or the people you lead eat and if what they eat affects their behavior. Anyway, back to…

September 19, 2012

One of the best exercises I know to raise your self-awareness

Awareness / Blog / Exercises / Nature

One of the best exercises I know to raise your self-awareness

I got this exercise from a book by Jon Kabat-Zinn, who writes on self-awareness, mindfulness, and meditation. I find it helped me understand a lot about how I perceive my world and how I can influence how I perceive it. I don't know if he made it up or got it from somewhere. Anyway, all you need is three raisins and some free time. The Three Raisins exercise Preparation: get three raisins. Put them in front of you. Turn off your phone and computer. Put away any books or anything distracting. Don't schedule anything after. The exercise: eat the three raisins as if you had never observed one before, like you came from another planet. Use all your senses. Take your time. Feel their…

September 18, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Fitness / Nature

Broccoli rabe versus sweets

I'll describe an effect across many spheres of human life, including, probably, yours. I'll describe it in the realm of food, but it applies all over. Most people, when they don't think much about it, like sweets and comfort food -- not always that healthy. If you gave them, say, some broccoli rabe, even cooked to perfection -- say just lightly fried in olive oil with a touch of lemon juice and salt -- they wouldn't like it. They'd say it didn't have flavor or tasted bad or boring. They might complain they couldn't eat it fast, like a candy bar. Or it didn't crunch, like chips. If you wean them off the intense, simple, short-term, pleasure of sugar, fat, salt, and the chemical concoctions…

September 13, 2012

Awareness / Blog

What causes all the stress in your life?

Today's post derives from a lesson I learned from Professor Rao, whose class I took in business school and whose lessons I've written about often here. I'd try to improve on it, but he did a great job of it. His book mentioned that all the stress in your life comes from one place. I remember reading that concept thinking, "how can that possibly happen? I have so much stress coming from so many places. How can he suggest there be only one source?" Then I read the source and it made a lot of sense. In fact, it became a cornerstone in developing my Model and general sense of self-awareness. It's helped reduce the amount of stress in my life and replace it with…

September 12, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Freedom

Non-attachment, caring, and motivation

I'll post today's topic as a question. I've asked it of people who know more about Buddhism than me for more than ten years. No one has given me an answer I've found satisfactory. Though I put it in Buddhist terms, I hope no one gets hung up on the details of one religion or philosophy. I mean the question in a general way because his actions and philosophy, while magical, have analogies in our lives. We might not believe in Buddhism, but we don't exactly consider the concepts foreign. Some element of being detached from outcomes seems common to personal development, whether in Buddhism or in the common advice of our times "You shouldn't care so much what other people think," which I don't…

September 11, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Fitness / Tips

Too much is a problem too

I hear people talk about those who have less -- usually less materially or less opportunity -- as deserving help and compassion. With due respect to their problems, I'd like to consider another challenging situation: having too much. First let me preface the huge difference between having too little and too much: people with too much can cut back. People with limited access to resources or opportunity can't usually create them out of thin air. People with too much may not know how to cut crap out, but they can. Big difference. Walking around New York last visit, I saw people with a lot more stuff and opportunity than I saw in Asia. But I didn't see them happier. On the contrary, I saw many…

September 3, 2012

Awareness / Blog

A fundamental contradiction for many women in dating

I'll tell you a fundamental contradiction in nearly all women seeking men. Though glaringly obvious, most women (and men) I mention it to have never noticed it before. Point 1: Women don't want to be evaluated only on appearance I don't think I've ever met a woman who wants to be evaluated only on her appearance. Every one I've talked to wants people to know her personality, history, dreams, etc. Point 2: Women don't like men approaching many women I haven't met many women who support men approaching and flirting with lots of women. They tend to presume guys who do are looking for superficial relationships. Contradiction: How does a man learn about a woman besides her looks without talking to her? You can fantasize…

August 30, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Tips

Motivation, energy to act, and expectation of success

Do you suffer from low motivation, not knowing your passions, laziness, and other forms of just not feeling like putting the effort in? Do you want to have more motivation and passion? Most people tell me they're lazy about a lot of things and don't know their passions. Luckily, you can change that. Personally I don't like being that way or hanging around with people like that. I connect with people on their passions. I've written on this topic before. Today I want to state very simply where motivation and energy, and their lack -- laziness, lethargy and lack of energy -- come from. Unlike chemical energy, you can't measure emotional energy in calories. Your amount of motivation to do something is so simple and…

August 27, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Leadership

The one person you can never see from another person’s perspective is yourself

The one person you can never see from another person's perspective is yourself. Ironic because that's the one person you'd most like to see from another person's perspective. Everyone else sees you that way, so it would be nice to see how other people see us. You always hear stories about people who think they're great leaders, but unknown to them, they always scowl or their voices don't sound like they think they do or people undermine them behind their backs. As a coach, offering an external perspective -- a mirror -- is one of the more valuable services I can offer, even if I give no active advice but merely passive feedback. As a regular person, like anyone else I wish I could see…

August 12, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Freedom

Rules: what are they and how do you get to play by your own?

Speaking of superstars, they seem to play by their own rules. Most of us wish we could. How do you get to play by your own rules, not someone else's? Today I'll look at rules from a few different contexts and ask a few questions about them. A rule describes how people should behave. Context 1: Mutually agreed-on rules When I think of playing a game, rules make sense. We want to enjoy ourselves or maybe see who is better. Playing chess only makes sense if we agree on rules. Otherwise, what's the point? Context 2: Rules agreed on by some Laws are kinds of rules. Most laws imposed on me were written before I was born. I tend to agree with many of them,…

August 10, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Fitness

Three things I learned from yoga

You can learn a lot from yoga. I'm no expert, but I did it a couple times a week for a couple years a few years ago. My teacher was great, if anyone wants a recommendation for someone in New York City. I learned three things I didn't expect that I found valuable. I haven't seen them written up elsewhere, not that I read much on yoga since I find most yoga writing too new age-y, so I thought I'd write them up here. I should mention I don't find yoga more life altering than any other physical activity. Some people attach a mystical aura to it, with all the foreign words and claims to thousands-of-years-old heritages, but I find any physical activity can give…

August 5, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Leadership / Tips

How far should I develop myself? It’s hard!

A client asked me about doing exercises to develop leadership and social skills. He pointed out most people don't do them. Some people do them differently. He's been doing them a while and has seen some progress, but knows he has a long way to go. He asked my thoughts on how much he should do. I wrote the following. I look at leadership and social skills, leadership, and self-awareness exercises like learning any major life skill, like playing a sport, learning to dance, to play music, etc. In sports you have to run drills. You have to run sprints, sometimes in the rain, sometimes when you don't think you have it in you. You can skip those things, but in sports you compete, so…

August 4, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Fitness / Freedom

An olympic shock

I tend to divide the Olympics as a business from the athletes. I respect the athletes greatly. Whatever ideals the event may have embodied, I lose respect for the Olympic committees and the collaborating corporations -- media companies, advertisers, etc -- all the time. The business seems to focus on making money while protecting its sustainable competitive advantage -- its brand -- at draconian costs to the freedom of athletes, attendees, and other participants. Meanwhile the Olympic committee takes bribes, applies rules arbitrarily, colludes with governments to curtail speech and coverage of the events, etc. The value of sports continues to surprise me Still, the value of sports perennially surprises me in raising people's awareness and cooperation, despite the politicization and commercialization of the Olympics.…

August 3, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Fitness / Freedom

My fitness habits, part 4: Nothing special about what I did

Since so many people don't like their physical condition, don't find reward or joy in exercising, and regard these aspects of their life as punishments, I imagine many of them want to change their beliefs and behaviors, perhaps using my example as inspiration. Many people may not care too, I guess. I've written a lot on the topics -- enough that it might seem overwhelming. Can anyone do what I do? I didn't do anything anyone else couldn't. Maybe they don't want to or haven't figured out how to, but they could. I don't read many diet or exercise books, but I have a feeling they don't make a point of focusing on your emotions, which I consider the foundation for successful change. I focus…

July 20, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Fitness / Freedom

My fitness beliefs and habits, part 2: Food and Eating

What I eat I don't feel like I pay attention to what I eat that much, although I've habitualized a lot so I probably eat healthily without thinking about it. I don't pay attention to proteins versus carbohydrates. I definitely don't count calories. I think paying attention to those things means you're eating the wrong things. I mean, I'm kind of aware of those things, but the more I eat fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains, the less I pay attention to proteins, carbohydrates, and calories and the better my body seems. How can you eat too much spinach, mangoes, or oats? Can you? I mean, your body will stop you before you can. With sugary beverages, I've noticed your tongue always sends signals…

July 18, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Fitness / Freedom

My fitness beliefs and habits, part 1: Principles

A reader asked I like what you said about the body being a reflection of how we live our life. I also agree about the genetics; its too much of a cop out to say that you can't help being obese. I do have a question though. Your photos show that you are in shape but you have previously posted that your workout regimen consists of only a minute of burpees twice a day. As someone who works out an hour a day to stay in shape this blows my mind. Are you rationing calories as well or just watching what you eat? Do you have any before/after photos showing the progress made after 6 months on this program? Context The short response to that…

July 17, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Nature

Things aren’t suddenly getting worse

Whenever I read about how today's world is moving faster, competition is greater, people are more separated, more together, or whatever superlative that supposedly sets our time different than any other, I think of this quote Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers. This quote defines our time, doesn't it? Except that it was written centuries ago. I've seen it attributed to Socrates, but I've seen people claim it's much younger, but still generations old. Every generation changes its values from the…

July 16, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Leadership / Tips

You don’t find your passion, you create it

A client asked how to find your passion (in the context of relationships, as you'll see). I wrote the following (slightly edited). -------------------------------- You don't find some single latent passion within you, if only you can find it. You create it. What is passion? It's powerful emotion. Emotion doesn't come from out there. It comes from in here. How do you create something in here? Not by looking out there. By growing, learning, building, exploring, and developing skills in here. Stuff out there gives you something to work with, but your passion is inside you. You have a zillion things you like, each of which could grow to into one of, or the, overarching source of passion that drives your life. Until I found out…

July 15, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Leadership

Every moment counts

If you like improving your life enough to read my stuff, you probably know about a study (probably one of many) that found that people who won the lottery and people who had accidents that left them in wheelchairs both returned to the same emotional levels a year later. What do you conclude from such results? How much can we misunderstand ourselves if winning the lottery doesn't help out lives? Or if spinal injuries don't? These results sounds counterintuitive. Most of us would prefer winning the lottery to losing control of our arms and legs, or even just not winning the lottery. But if winning the lottery doesn't improve our lives, why do we feel like we'd rather win than not? And what importance, if…

July 14, 2012

Awareness / Blog / Nature

Would you eat the cherry tomato?

Here is a deep question about values, spontaneity, risk, adventure, the best things in life, and your appetite for them. The context It begins with my mom's garden years ago when she lived in Nebraska. Now I'm not that big on tomatoes, like some people are, and less so then than now. But when I tasted the cherry tomatoes from that garden they tasted like sunshine. I couldn't believe how much flavor they had -- sweet, tangy, juicy... everything you could hope for in a piece of fruit. And with all the vines there, you could pop cherry tomatoes in your mouth all day. There were more on the vie and overnight yet more would appear. Plus she hadÂ -- I should mention it was…

July 9, 2012

Art / Awareness / Blog

You don’t have to accept anyone else’s hierarchy of taste

I posted on another board in a discussion on taste Is classical music better than punk? Museum art better than street art? Haute cuisine better than burritos? Is the op-ed page better than stand-up comedy? Is classical philosophy better than folk wisdom? My life improved when I learned I didn't have to accept anyone else's hierarchy of taste. Most people may consider one better than another, but I've learned to see them as meeting the values of a community better, not being absolutely better. Classical music meets the values of some communities better than punk. But punk meets other communities' values better than classical. I prefer evaluating things by the values of the communities that practice it. Then I appreciate more things and judge less.…

July 5, 2012

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