Leadership


The Method: step 2, understand your current emotional cycles

EDIT: I modified how I present the Method slightly. Please see the new version of this page and the updated series on implementing the Method. The Method's first step was a once-per-lifetime step. Once you understand your emotional cycle once, you can retain it all your life. Step 2 begins the preparation for each situation. The main part of understanding your current emotional cycle is to understand the elements -- the relevant environments, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors. The other part is to know what you can and can't change and what you will and won't change. Your situation For the elements, I recommend writing them out. Below are three examples of the elements to situations in my life when ripe for applying the Method. Example…

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The Method, step 1: know your emotional system

EDIT: I modified how I present the Method slightly. Please see the new version of this page and the updated series on implementing the Method. Today's post will be brief. The Method's first step is always to know your emotional system. Knowing the Model does just that, and my series on the Model gives the overview of it. This familiar diagram summarizes it. Keep in mind that the Model above is a starting point. Because its purpose includes ease in communicating it I simplified it at the expense of some important detail. I also know everyone is unique, as are their goals, so partly I leave out details so people can customize their Model for themselves. Maybe your Model will be a pentagon or have…

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The Method: example 3: two simple but effective examples

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Today's examples of the Method are simple but effective so they illustrate the Method well as well as how to use it. The first is an effect you probably already know. Everyone knows feeling happy tends to make you smile. Most people also know…

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The Method: example 2: overwhelming joy on a bleak morning

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Today's example of using the Method came a year after yesterday's. That one was my first by-the-book implementation and test of the Method, this one was my first automatic implementation. I had practiced it enough to internalize it enough I did it without thinking…

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The Method: example 1: a home run after three strikes

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] This example illustrates my first by-the-book implementation of the Model and Method. I don't pretend that the change was earth-shattering or bigger than it was because the magnitude of the change was not the point. The point was that the Method produced the results…

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The Method: how-to

EDIT: I modified how I present the Method slightly. Please see the new version of this page and the updated series on implementing the Method. The next few posts will describe the Method, which is how to use the Model to lead yourself and others and to improve your life, in particular, using the elements you have voluntary control over. In time, you'll probably think of the Method as I do, through the Model's voluntary levers -- environment, belief, behaviors. I call one application of the Method a transformation because it transforms one part of your life. Preparation is as important as the action implementing the transformation so I treat it separately. (I'll make each of these bullet points links as I create the pages…

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The Method: when to use it

When do I think of when to implement the Method? In leadership situations: especially when times call for me to motivate or influence others, to negotiate, to listen, to empathize and see things from another person's perspective. Times like these make self-awareness and knowing how to act on it important. In personal leadership situations: when times call for me to motivate myself, to understand myself better, and so on. I've learned approaching introspection with the structure of the Method more effective than an unstructured or haphazard approach. When I sense my level of reward below potential: since the feeling of reward (of all different characteristics) indicates how well my life is going, raising reward is among my most important tasks. The Method keeps me from…

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Reminder: My next two leadership seminars: October 23,30 and November 5,6 at the New School

  The next one is this weekend! LEADERSHIP THROUGH SELF-AWARENESS AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE In a two-day seminar, learn how to develop your personal leadership skills, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence by utilizing the latest advances in cognitive behavioral science, evolutionary psychology, and positive psychology. The course is open to all area business school students, alumni, and colleagues. In the past the seminars have sold out quickly, as such we are currently offering two courses.  Below you will find the dates of the courses and a link that you can follow to sign up. If you have any questions feel free to contact me. Schedule: (Note both sessions cover identical material) October session(consecutive Sundays): Day One: Sunday, October 23, 2011  noon—5pm Day Two: Sunday, October 30, 2011…

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Audio interview: sales lessons from a great failure

Spectacular failures teach us our most valuable lessons. In this interview, I talk about my first, and most painful, sales failure growth experience. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die, but the meeting crept on. Afterward I didn't want to continue in business, let alone do any sales. The word I was looking for at 2:38 was condescension, by the way. My business partner's perspective -- that you win some and you lose some; we didn't win this one but the next would be better -- changed my life for the better as one of the major steps forward into business and entrepreneurship for me. So this anecdote marked the beginning of something very rewarding in my life. Since that meeting, especially with…

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Review of non-Method methods

This post covers patterns of several non-Method methods to give context to the Method. The reason you want to improve your life is that you're feeling less reward than your potential. Unless you're highly emotional aware, in which case you would see your way forward clearly, all you know then is that at least one element of an emotional cycle is out of sync but not which. The non-Method methods of the past few posts only work on one part of your emotional cycles. In general, if your way forward isn't clear, you'll be lucky if working on only one element works. Working on only your environment can cost resources and lead to delay or giving up. Working on only your behavior is grueling and…

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Non-Method method 4: positive thinking

This post covers the fourth of several non-Method methods, generally expanding on non-Method method 3, "The Secret" or "Law of Attraction." People often, somewhere in the middle of presenting the Method for the first time, for example, ask if the Method is not just positive thinking. Likewise, I hear non-Americans say things like "What is it with you Americans and always wanting to feel happy all the time? Everything in life is not about happiness." I agree with the sentiment. I don't promote trying to feel happy all the time, "positive thinking," affirmations, or the like. They feel like putting lipstick on a pig. I promote you being you, being more aware of yourself and your emotions, and developing skills to act on that knowledge…

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Non-Method method 3: “The Secret” or “Law of Attraction”

This post covers the third of several non-Method methods. People often try to improve their lives by changing only their beliefs. Typical examples of changing beliefs include believing money, friends, or health will come your way. Since the book and movie "The Secret" so popularly propagated this strategy a few years ago, I call this strategy "The Secret" or "Law of Attraction." Before delving into it, I'll point out that of all the non-Method methods I discuss, I believe changing your beliefs has the best chances of long-term success. Looking at the Model, changing your beliefs can influence how you perceive your environment, which can change your motivations, which can change your behavior, which can change your environment. Acting on no other place in the…

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Non-Method method 2: New Year’s resolutions

This post covers the second of several non-Method methods. People often try to improve their lives by changing only their behavior. After doing something one way for a while they resolve to do it differently. This strategy comes from a belief that something rooted in their behavior holds them back from a better life, or at least that changing only their behavior will improve it. I call this strategy "New Year's resolutions." The change in behavior doesn't have to come over New Year's. It just has to be based only in behavior. Typically people resolve to eat more healthily, to exercise more, to finally do that thing they've meant to do for years, etc. But the change could be anything. Sometimes changing only your behavior…

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Non-Method method 1: “I need a new house/car/job/girlfriend/boyfriend/etc”

This post covers the first of several non-Method methods. People often try to improve their lives by changing or getting rid of something in their environment. By environment I don't mean trees and lakes and streams, but anything that affects your emotional system, as described in my posts on the environment as part of the Model. Typically that thing is their house, car, job, or significant other, but could be anything -- a new diet book, a new labor-saving device, a new degree, stopping seeing a friend, etc. This strategy comes from believing that something external is holding them back from a better life. Or at least that changing something external will improve it. I call the strategy "I need a new house/car/job/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc" Sometimes changing…

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Non-Method methods

People improve their lives in many ways. To give context to the Method, in my next few posts I'll describe several common non-Method methods you're familiar with. Then I'll describe how the Method differs from them and why I believe it improves your life better and is more rewarding to do. So far I've only described the Method broadly: to choose the elements in your emotional cycles you can control voluntarily -- your environment, beliefs, and behavior -- together to bring about the emotions and emotional reward you want. There is much more to it and upcoming posts will describe it and how to implement it in detail, but this broad level is enough for the comparisons below. They will then clarify the Method when I…

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The Method: the foundation, part I

The Method is based on the Model. Keeping in mind that like any model, the Model simplifies what it represents for its purpose. The Model's purpose is to improve our lives by helping us understand our motivations, emotions, and emotional systems. As with any model, it can't be absolutely right or true. Neither can any alternative. I mention the above for context because the discussion on the Method will all adopt the perspective of the Model. Let's start our discussion on the Method with its foundations. Recall two points from our discussion on the Model. First, you can control some parts of your emotional system while others you can't. You can control you environment, beliefs, and behavior. You can't, except to a limited degree, control…

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From the Model to the Method

I've written about the Model, my foundation for understanding value, meaning, purpose, importance, etc in life, based on understanding yourself, particularly your motivations, emotions, and emotional system. I'll now start on the Method, which covers how to implement the Model. I developed the Model on my own, without intending to create something meaningful or helpful, though I think I ended up doing so. The Method, however, came from applying the Model in life. If you learned the Model and implemented it in your life, I expect you'd come up with the Method too or something similar. By reading my Method you can save time and resources by avoiding my mistakes. I can't think of anything more valuable in life than to replace more of your…

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The Model: summary

[I replaced this post with a series on The Model. Click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] For the past six weeks I've posted on the Model, my model for human motivations and emotions. The Model forms the foundation of what I consider the best way to view and live life. For those who have been reading along, I recognize it may have been a bit dry or academic. I expect later posts will make life and living the lifestyle you want seem easy and obvious, but require referring back to the Model, in which case this summary will simplify learning it. Today's post summarizes all those posts, which will probably end up a chapter in…

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My next two leadership seminars: October 23,30 and November 5,6 at the New School

  LEADERSHIP THROUGH SELF-AWARENESS AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE In a two-day seminar, learn how to develop your personal leadership skills, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence by utilizing the latest advances in cognitive behavioral science, evolutionary psychology, and positive psychology. The course is open to all area business school students, alumni, and colleagues. In the past the seminars have sold out quickly, as such we are currently offering two courses.  Below you will find the dates of the courses and a link that you can follow to sign up. If you have any questions feel free to contact me. Schedule: (Note both sessions cover identical material) October session(consecutive Sundays): Day One: Sunday, October 23, 2011  noon—5pm Day Two: Sunday, October 30, 2011 noon—5pm November session(one weekend): Day One:…

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The Model: what is freedom?

[This post is part of a series on The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Ask people -- yourself! -- what they value and freedom will rank near the top. What do they mean by freedom? I bet you don't know and that this post will show you can have more. The better you know what freedom means, the more you can bring…

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The Model: strategize, then enjoy

[This post is part of a series on The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] A quick followup to yesterday's post on first learning to manage your emotions, then enjoying the freedom mastery brings you. Here is some general advice for anything that requires planning. You probably already know it, but it bears repeating. First strategize, then act (and enjoy). In other words,…

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Should you get a coach?

If you're reading my blog you may be considering getting a coach, maybe even considering me. I've observed that the people who perform best at things tend to have coaches whereas the people who don't do so well remark that they don't need coaching or bristle at the prospect of getting help. Derek Jeter has multiple coaches. Forty percent of Fortune 500 CEOs have personal coaches. This week's New Yorker features a long article on coaching. While not scientific, it covers many of the important points one might want to consider on coaching, describes observing successful coaching describes the author's successful experience testing the waters being coached, and describes some research in the field. It doesn't say everyone should get a coach, but thoughtfully walks…

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The Model: more functional views of emotions

[This post is part of a series on The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Our society cripples us by presenting too narrow a view of emotions. Today let's consider other views that let us be more free. Our culture romanticizes emotions for their feelings, characterizing them as irrational. That romanticization sells movie tickets and books, but complicates your ability to manage your…

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The Model: characteristics of emotions

[This post is part of a series on The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Besides your emotional system's consistency and reliability, each emotion you feel has several characteristics relevant to its function. I have found four characteristics particularly relevant. Each emotion has characteristics of Pleasure, from pleasurable to painful Intensity, from intense to subtle Richness, from complex to simple Duration, of long…

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The Model: perception and belief in more depth

[This post is part of a series on The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Let's look at the next element in the cycle after the environment -- perception and belief. Perception means how you look at or become aware of your world. I include belief in the same cycle element as perception because belief and perception influence each other so closely, whether…

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