Exercises / Freedom / Models / Tips

A model to avoid or overcome frustration

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you get more frustrated than you'd like? Do you give up early? Do you wish you could have more optimism? Do you wish you could be more resilient to problems and challenges? Today's belief is something I say almost daily. Sometimes I mutter it to myself, sometimes I say it out loud. I've come to behave as if it's true even though I can't prove it. I say it like others say "c'est la vie" or "that's the way it…

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April 25, 2013
A model to find the best in someone, including yourself
Art / Awareness / Exercises / Freedom / Leadership / Models / Tips

A model to find the best in someone, including yourself

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Today's belief helps overcome a challenge in helping someone's growth. It also helps you shine as a leader or mentor. When you lead or mentor someone or work to improve yourself, it helps to track progress, but you often can't. You can for external things, like how fast they run 100 meters, how they scored on a test, how much they increased revenues, etc. When you develop someone as a person, you can't always see the development externally. Especially with important…

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April 23, 2013
Art / Exercises / Freedom / Models

A model on the foundation of personal freedom

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Today I'm just copying what someone else said about mastering a complex skill or mode of creative expression, connecting Freedom Spontaneity Simplicity with, perhaps ironically to some, but without question to those who get it Conformity Discipline from within Dedication As odd as it may seem for conformity and discipline to lead to personal freedom, I agree with the quotes below from Martha Graham, the best description on the foundation of personal freedom I know. By personal freedom, I mean being…

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April 20, 2013
Exercises / Freedom / Models / Tips

A model and strategy for getting things done

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you ever have so much to do you can't figure out where to start? Or you bounce between things, unable to complete them? Most importantly, does the stress of having things to do make you miserable? I found a strategy for handling things that worked pretty well, but reading the book Getting Things Done by David Allen refined it. I wrote about it recently. A model for getting things done: Your mind fixates on obligations it wants to remember, distracting…

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April 15, 2013
Awareness / Exercises / Freedom / Models / Nature / Tips

A model to free yourself from being categorized

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you like being judged and put into a box? Do you like being told you can't change things about yourself that limit you from living the best life you can? Do you like it when these categories have no scientific basis? Personality traits, types, and dispositions are models that I don't find helpful. A model to free yourself from being categorized: personality types and traits have little to no validity I'm sure people will attack me on this belief. When…

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April 13, 2013
A model to get people to show up on time for you: everybody gets fifteen minutes
Exercises / Favorites / Freedom / Models / Nonjudgment / Tips

A model to get people to show up on time for you: everybody gets fifteen minutes

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you get annoyed at people showing up late? That they don't respect you by wasting your time showing up late, when you respected them for showing up on time? I used to fume at people showing up late. Fume! Then I tested a strategy that works so well, I never again had a problem with people showing up late. If I hadn't tried it I never would have believed it. For that matter, I would have fought against it. In…

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April 7, 2013
Blog / Freedom / Leadership

The limits of what you can achieve

The changes you can make that will affect your life most are in your personal leadership skills -- how you perceive yourself, others, and your environment; how you manage conflict; how you influence yourself and others; and the other components of leadership. These changes will affect how you experience life more than external things like winning the lottery, where you live, etc, no matter how big they seem. In fact, if you don't change these things, you can win the lottery or any other big change and the important parts of your life won't change much. You might have a fancier car or bigger house, but they won't mean much more to you. You won't have more, fewer, or closer friends. You won't be more…

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March 19, 2013
Blog / Entrepreneurship / Freedom / Tips

“I am a freedom junky” — David Allen’s inspiring words that simplified my life

Do you feel stress from too much stuff to do or lose track of things? Many entrepreneurial and management types I know read Getting Things Done and put it into practice. I recommend it. I read the book and like the philosophy -- in particular, his observation that if your mind has to remember something, it will allocate resources that distract you from everything else. The more you have to remember, the more it will preoccupy your mind. I didn't connect with it on my first reading, when I thought it was just about efficiency. What made me appreciate it was meeting David Allen at a cocktail party. He described himself as a "freedom junky" and the book his way of creating freedom. I value…

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March 14, 2013
Awareness / Blog / Freedom

Personal development, achievement, and freedom

Following up on freedom from yesterday's post, I wanted to share a perspective so useful, I almost can't believe it wasn't originally written for the context of personal development. Michelangelo, when asked about how he created David, said I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. As I mentioned yesterday, the greatest improvements we can make are to free ourselves from constraints that inhibit us from being ourselves. We know when we see other people constrained and unaware of it that we know they are living below their potentials. I find our greatest developments are to remove these constraints to reveal what's underneath, so we can be ourselves. The constraints tend to be rules and beliefs others imposed on…

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March 6, 2013
Blog / Freedom

Personal development and achievement

What are your goals? People ask that a lot, especially in personal development. I'm going to point something out you might not realize. People usually talk about goals as external -- to get a promotion, to earn a certain amount of money, to marry a spouse with certain properties... stuff like that. People who take my seminar see what I put as the farthest stage I see myself reaching is freedom. I mention others may have other farthest stages, but whatever your farthest stage, I suspect freedom is somewhere up there. We like when others are free and unconstrained with us, so we know others like when we are free and unconstrained with them. When I say freedom, I don't mean being outside of jail…

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March 5, 2013
Video: Revolutionary Martyrs’ Cemetery on the hundredth anniversary of Kim Il Sung’s birth
Freedom / Leadership / NorthKorea

Video: Revolutionary Martyrs’ Cemetery on the hundredth anniversary of Kim Il Sung’s birth

A video of the Revolutionary Martyrs' Cemetery on the hundredth anniversary of Kim Il Sung's birth -- roughly like being at Arlington on July 4, 1976. There were many soldiers and foreign tourists, making for an odd mix. Normally the government prohibits tourists from taking pictures of the military, but perhaps for the special day, since they were there ceremonially, and since there were so many of them they let us take pictures and video of them. The cemetery also overlooks Pyongyang and the Mausoleum holding the bodies of Kim Il Sung and, presumably by this point, Kim Jong Il, though they hadn't yet reopened the mausoleum after Kim Jong Il's death by this point. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voIgE4XraSs More footage of the cemetery More footage of the…

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February 27, 2013
Video: North Korea’s War Museum and differences between expectations and experiences
Freedom / NorthKorea

Video: North Korea’s War Museum and differences between expectations and experiences

Before entering the War Museum (not sure the official name), I interviewed my friend and group-mate, Andrew, on the differences between our expectations -- that the environment would be oppressive, we would be watched all the time, and so on -- and experiences -- communicating with the people and learning so much. Sorry about the sound, but as you can see it was windy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjf0KSmk3tM Here are details of painting of Korean War battle scene in North Korean War Museum, showing the gallant and heroic North Korean soldiers. Most such paintings show U.S. and other opposing forces as hook-nosed with near-claws for hands. I couldn't figure out if the hook noses were supposed to be anti-semitic or not, but they looked that way. I'm not…

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February 27, 2013
Video: Bringing peace sooner: High-fiving North Koreans in Kim Il Sung Square, part 2
Blog / Freedom / Leadership / NorthKorea

Video: Bringing peace sooner: High-fiving North Koreans in Kim Il Sung Square, part 2

Shortly after last post's videos, we returned to Kim Il Sung Square and interacted with more North Koreans, overcoming language obstacles in North Korea with friendly body language. If our would-be leaders don't create peace, understanding, and communication between us, we have to lead them. The more we interact the more we understand each other. That's how we show we aren't the monsters or dupes their government says we are and vice versa. When was the last time you saw so many North Koreans smiling, shaking hands, high-fiving, and laughing with Americans? The woman you see returning my camera after the middle segment was our North Korean guide, who held the camera for me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxWImTKf57I Images of our arrival at Kim Il Sung Square (repeated…

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February 26, 2013
Video: Bringing peace sooner: differences between expectations and experiences
Freedom / NorthKorea

Video: Bringing peace sooner: differences between expectations and experiences

Here is a quick video with my thoughts on some differences between my expectations of North Korea (and those of everyone I know who visited) and experiences. I'm on the avenue between the Foreign language bookshop and Kim Il Sung Square. You'll see Kiwi Tom being silly in the background (he does stand-up comedy, among other things) and the usual desolate, sparsely populated city. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_g5fus697I Here I shake hands with a North Korean woman on a Pyongyang street corner near the Foreign Language bookshop near Kim Il Sung Square, trying and forgetting how to say the few phrases I learned in Korean -- basically hello and thank you. I shook the hands of many people on this street corner, saying hello and thank you. Sorry,…

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February 26, 2013
Video: Bringing peace sooner: High-fiving North Koreans in Kim Il Sung Square
Blog / Freedom / Leadership / NorthKorea

Video: Bringing peace sooner: High-fiving North Koreans in Kim Il Sung Square

Usually I post North Korea posts separate from my main page, but I consider today's videos too-good examples of leadership not to include in the main page (despite being in the middle of a series of George Clooney posts). The scene: Kim Il Sung Square, Pyongyang, April 14, 2012 -- the day before the celebration of the hundred-year anniversary of Kim Il Sung's birth. Whether you like him or not, his country reveres and honors him. The equivalent in America would be the Mall in D.C. on July 3, 1976. When you see military parades of North Korea, you're seeing this site. Many North Koreans were there, mostly sitting in groups, as you'll see. I guess they wanted to celebrate the day before the main…

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February 26, 2013
Freedom / NorthKorea

Bringing peace sooner: videos of North Korea

I visited North Korea for the celebration of the anniversary of Kim Il Sung's birth last April. The trip was eye-opening and amazing. I believe it created more understanding and communication than whatever potential problems. As I've explained before here and in my book, I consider such interactions among the best ways to increase communication and understanding with North Koreans, which I consider the best ways to bring about more peaceful relations. I believe all related governments have motivations to maintain adversarial relations, so I don't have much faith in them to create peace. As I say in one of the videos in this series, I believe regular people will have to lead our would-be political leaders in this issue. Anyway, I've been sitting on…

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February 24, 2013
Awareness / Blog / Freedom

If you want to retire early, why? Is financial independence your goal or a means to an end?

Longtime readers might know I enjoy and recommend a blog on retirement and financial independence called Mr. Money Mustache. The author there wrote a post on people who evaluate him by their standards and claim he isn't really retired. He created a definition, quoted below, and said he was. As I said, I recommend his blog, but I think his choice of how to define "retirement" missed the point of what we want in life. Personally, I consider financial independence a means to an end, not an end itself. Its point is the emotional reward it creates. If you think financial independence is your goal, you'll miss you'll try to achieve something slightly different than what you want. You may rest when you only got…

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February 16, 2013
Blog / Leadership

Motivating with compassion but without empathy: telling someone to let go doesn’t help them let go

Do you ever find yourself trying to get someone to let go of something, to relax, or something similar, but they don't? You know if they just didn't worry so much or stopped caring about something so much, they'd have an easier time with the project, relationship, life, or whatever, but they just don't let go? You may be motivated by compassion, but I suspect a lack of empathy may be hampering you. I'll illustrate the perspective of the person you're trying to motivate with a story from my life. Fear of being judged performing in public This example is about performing in public. I use the context of singing karaoke, but you'll see it could related to any number of other situations, professional or…

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January 31, 2013
Awareness / Blog / Freedom / Tips

Monkey Mind

Illustrative labels can help, as opposed to evaluative, judgmental ones like yesterday's post. I love the term "Monkey Mind." I heard it from a friend who teaches yoga. Without hearing any explanation I immediately understood its meaning and saw how the term helped understand a concept. When you increase your self-awareness you start to notice how your mind works. The less you know how to manage it, the more it jumps capriciously from topic to topic. When you don't know much about your mind, you don't notice this mental pattern. You confuse it from your world changing. You might go from happily enjoying your meal to miserably or angrily thinking about some time someone you cared about annoyed you at a dinner table just like…

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January 25, 2013
Blog / Freedom

Martin Luther King, copyright, and the content of his children’s character

Last August, many reported on the fiftieth anniversary of Martin Luther King's I Have A Dream speech. One of my favorite sites which concerns itself with copyright, started a conversation, "The copyright nightmare of 'I Have A Dream", on how the speech, which was broadcast in a way that would seemingly make it part of the public domain, ended up copyrighted. Please read that conversation for many views on how this case illustrates how copyright law has been distorted from its original intent to starve the public domain it was supposed to help fill. You'll see a couple points there on related issues, for example, how MLK's heirs are squabbling among themselves over the rights as well as charging others for using his words in…

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January 23, 2013
Blog / Freedom / Humor

More on Martin Luther King and leadership

Hearing Dr. King talk about injustice anywhere being a threat to justice anywhere, I couldn't help but notice how he polarized people too. The content is different, but the structure sounds like the "You're either with us or against us" I heard from a U.S. President ten years ago. It tells people they aren't safe, no matter where they are. If you read this page regularly, you know I don't like labeling things right, wrong, good, bad, or evil. I don't like polarizing people either. King did both regularly. He considered himself right, just, and good. He described people he disagreed with as wrong, unjust, and evil. I wonder how much he considered that they probably didn't consider themselves wrong, unjust, and evil. Could he…

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January 22, 2013
Audio / Blog / Freedom / Leadership

Previously Unreleased Interviews with The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. from WNYC

I don't celebrate all major holidays, but I celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. Every year I take time to do something special for the day. Usually I do something to honor his memory and achievements or learn more history. This year I have two things. First, a friend told me that WNYC just released four in-depth interviews of him. Each is about thirty minutes, so I got to listen to him speak -- not a speech or prepared anything. He was thirty-two years old in the first three (in 1961). The fourth was in 1967, with clips from 1966 (he was assassinated about a year later). I put the clips for you to stream below, but please visit the WNYC site yourself, which has…

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January 21, 2013
Blog / Freedom

Life has never been more stressful, nor less; happiness never harder to achieve, nor easier

If you think something external is causing you stress or keeping you from the life you want, you're looking in the wrong place. This early passage in Walden reminded me of how the challenges of living your life how you want to change with the external changes of the world. Thoreau could have described today. Most men, even in this comparatively free country, through mere ignorance and mistake, are so occupied with the factitious cares and superfluously coarse labors of life that its finer fruits cannot be plucked by them. Their fingers, from excessive toil, are too clumsy and tremble too much for that. Actually, the laboring man has not leisure for a true integrity day by day; he cannot afford to sustain the manliest…

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January 15, 2013
Blog / Leadership

Petty pathetic censorship

For Want of a Nail For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost. For want of a horse the rider was lost. For want of a rider the message was lost. For want of a message the battle was lost. For want of a battle the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail. A nail While the Chinese government blocks many U.S.-based video sites, like YouTube, they not only have plenty of copy-cat sites but with a few clicks you can find many full feature-length movies to watch streaming. You can't get any movie you want so sometimes you end up watching whatever. The other day I happened to watch…

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December 19, 2012
Art / Blog / Creativity / Entrepreneurship / Freedom

Scandal about that refreshing voice on copyright from a hard-core conservative

Do you like music, art, literature, innovation, invention, creativity, entrepreneurship, and things like that? Then you probably liked the document I mentioned a few weeks ago about problems with copyright and how to fix them. I considered it well thought-out and felt it proposed ideas that would improve the country. I was surprised to see it coming from the type of hard-core conservative that supports corporate welfare. Until the group that originally distributed the document disowned it and took it down from their site. (here's the original document) I don't know if you follow copyright or patent policy, but as a writer, inventor, writer and holder of a half-dozen patents, and one who enjoys culture, I find the topic incredibly important. I find the direction…

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December 7, 2012

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