Awareness

Awareness / Exercises / Nonjudgment / Perception

A model to tolerate when people pre-judge me

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Doesn't it bother you when someone treats you like a preconceived notion instead of the person you are? Doesn't it feel dehumanizing? Today's belief came from an experience I had riding a bike as a kid and helps me visualize what happens and resolve the problem. I was riding near some trolley tracks. When I crossed them at a slight angle my front wheel fell into the track, making it impossible to steer. The bike and I fell down. If I…

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May 30, 2013

Awareness / Education / Exercises / Models / Tips

A model to identify the parts of your life most ripe for improvement

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Today's model has special meaning to me because realizing it set me to learning about anxiety, the first emotion I started to learn analyzing to understanding emotional intelligence and self-awareness. I hope it inspires you as much as it did me. Context It started with performing on stage for the class play in business school. Months before the performance I wrote a sketch for Follies, the business school class play. It's mostly inside jokes for business school students, not high art,…

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May 28, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models / Visualization

A model of emotional intelligence and self-awareness

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] What is self-awareness? What is emotional intelligence? Everybody I know agrees that improving them improves your life and ability to lead yourself and others. "Know thyself," a basic instruction for improving yourself that has stood the test of thousands of years, means improving self-awareness. Yet few people can define either of these terms effectively. Today's model explains them both. A model for emotional intelligence and self-awareness First, some basics I'll take for granted. You have a head and body. You breathe.…

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May 26, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Fitness / Models / Nature / Tips

A model to cover life’s basics

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you ever feel overwhelmed with obligations? So much that you find yourself losing sense of your priorities? Today's simple model reminds me of my basics. If you're reading this at some regular, calm time, it may seem too basic to think about. Its value comes when you're stressed or overwhelmed. Then it can shift your perspective and simplify things. A model to cover the basics: You can't improve anything until you've covered sleep, food, and exercise. However you want to…

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May 25, 2013

Awareness / Evolutionary Psychology / Exercises / Models / Tips

A few models that don’t improve your life that effectively

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] I wrote about The Method being an effective way to improve your life and, when applied to a team, to improve your leadership style. Based on the Model, The Method says that if you align your environment, beliefs, and behavior with the emotions you want, you'll feel emotional reward. Feeling reward means you'll feel motivated to continue your change through to completion. Most people don't know the Model or follow the Method. They use techniques that can work, but generally not…

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May 24, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models / Tips

A model that will bring you happiness

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Wouldn't it be nice to have something that will make you happy, no matter what's going on? Today's belief came from observations. It almost always happens. I mean, sometimes I'm too unhappy or stressed for it to work, but almost always. A model that brings me happiness: If I'm enjoying good food at a table with good friends, I'm in a good mood. Today's post isn't deep. I just found that sitting around a table with friend enjoying a meal I…

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May 23, 2013

Awareness / Evolutionary Psychology / Exercises / Models / Nature / Perception / Tips

A model that explains why your enthusiasm when planning disappears when doing

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Scene 1: You plan something big. You're excited. You know there will be challenges, but you also know you'll overcome them. You will do what it takes no matter what. Scene 2: You started the project but it petered out. You don't know what happened to that feeling of invincibility, but it's gone. What happened? How did you lose your motivation? Why didn't your willpower work? Today's model answers. A model that explains why your enthusiasm when planning disappears when doing :…

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May 20, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Leadership / Models / Tips

A model to think deeper

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Have you gotten to consider and tackle the important things in your life? Do some important issues still elude you? Do you still spend time in the unimportant parts of life? Or even when on the important parts, do the urgent fires take more of your time than you want? Urgency Importance Important, not urgent Important, urgent Unimportant, not urgent Unimportant, urgent Today's belief helps you get to those topics. A model to think more deeply: You think on the time…

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May 19, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Freedom / Models / Nature / Perception

A model to help you get more out of traveling and to save money traveling at the same time

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Most people I share today's belief with seem surprised or even shocked when I express it. Probably because the way I say it -- that I don't like traveling -- seems contrary to something nearly everyone values. Also, I travel a lot and talk about how much I get out of it. If I have to travel, I'll find ways to make it amazing, but if I don't travel I can make staying home just as amazing. The best way I…

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May 18, 2013

Awareness / Entrepreneurship / Exercises / Leadership / Models / Perception

A model to get more sales and to stay calm under pressure

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you want to get more sales? Even if you don't sell anything, you probably propose things, pitch things, apply for things, and so forth. Do you want to be more successful there and to close more? I learned today's model in sales class in business school, but it applies to many cases -- nearly any situation where you try to persuade someone of something nontrivial they have to agree to. Think of anything you bought for more than pocket change.…

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May 16, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models / Nonjudgment / Tips

A model to get in fewer arguments and influence more effectively

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you get in more arguments than you'd like? Do you feel like people don't understand you and you have to explain yourself a lot in these arguments? I can't stop all your arguments, but today's belief and strategy will cut down on them. It will also increase your ability to influence. A model to argue less and influence more: No two people completely agree on what's right, wrong, good, or bad and they resist when you try to get them…

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May 15, 2013

Awareness / Blog / Leadership / Tips

A model to live like beautiful people do

[Today is the forty-second in a series on daily and weekly beliefs that improve my life and may improve yours, in no particular order. See the introduction to the series and the value of flexibility in beliefs for background.] People commonly believe that beautiful women have better lives than everybody else and that they have access to more valuable things. I came across that belief a lot when I used to go out dancing a lot. The evidence seemed overwhelming -- they automatically get invited to the best parties, they get past the doorpeople, men buy them drinks if the club doesn't already give them, and so on. In regular life, studies show attractive people get paid more, get promoted more, and so on. Sounds…

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May 13, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models

A model to keep you from being manipulated by the media

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Does reading or watching the news enrage you? Does it depress you? Make you feel outraged or helpless or scared? As much as the news media presents itself as something you need to participate as a citizen in society, they always have at least this goal: to sell more ads. They can separate the news from the business section all they want, but everyone knows what sells. Walk into any newsroom and they'll tell you they have to make an emotional…

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May 10, 2013

Awareness / Evolutionary Psychology / Exercises / Models / Nature / Perception / Tips

A model to handle pain

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Does pain make you miserable? I like the phrase "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." It says that pain doesn't have to make you feel bad emotionally. How you respond to pain is what makes you feel emotionally bad, and you can control that response. I prefer to say it more broadly. A model to handle pain: Pain isn't bad. Most people understand the value to their lives of physical pain. Our bodies can be damaged and pain motivates us to…

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May 9, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models / Tips

A model to help you stay calm and ward off anxiety

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you wish you were born in easier times, when life wasn't so competitive? When life was easier? The media always talks about today's razor-thin margins, terrorism, and so on. We have so many things to worry about today. Who can keep up with the pace of change? Who wouldn't feel anxious and wish for the good old days? Today's model undermines that disappointment in today, thinking the old days were less stressful. A model to help you stay calm and…

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May 8, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Freedom / Models / Tips

A belief to help you let go when you want to

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] People say "You should just let it go" all the time. Are you able just to let go of important things? Personally, I never could. I don't think many people can. Yet I've been able to achieve the same effect. Today's model covers how I've achieved it for myself, at least. I don't claim to have made up this model -- only that it works. A model to help you let go: I can't let ideas go, but I can crowd…

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May 7, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Leadership / Models

What happens when you change beliefs

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] The movie Moneyball and the book it's based on illustrate how new beliefs take root and can challenge and crowd out your old beliefs. Today's post is long, but the movie very well illustrates some stages and the emotional challenge of adopting a new belief, facing and overcoming resistance, and how it can lead to effective leadership and creating community. I'll quote enough of it here if you haven't seen the movie, but it was nominated for seven Oscars and stars…

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May 6, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models / Tips

A model to remove limits from your life

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you want an okay life? Do you want limits on how much you can get out of life? Or do you prefer to have no limits on how much you can get out of life? Remember from two days ago that the value, meaning, importance, and purpose (MVIP) of a thing comes from the emotions it evokes. Remember from yesterday that you can create reward any time any place. It follows that you can create more reward all the time,…

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May 4, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models

A model of where value, meaning, importance, and purpose come from

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] You hear about values-based leadership, living based in their values, giving meaning to their teams, having meaning in their lives, having purpose in their endeavors. If I asked you your values, you could probably mention your family, projects, friends, making the world a better place, security, and a few things like that. If I asked what gave you meaning or purpose or what was important, you'd probably give a similar list. You might not list money or television, but many people…

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May 2, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models

A model to implement the answers to all of life’s most important questions

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Putting into practice the answers to all of life's most important questions -- that is, the Model -- may seem like a tall order, but I've written up how to do it. I call the process the Method. If you worked with the Model long enough, you'd probably develop the Method yourself, but why not learn from my mistakes and get farther with less effort? A model to implement the answers to all of life's most important questions: The Method I've written…

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May 1, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Leadership / Models

A model that answers all of life’s most important questions

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Answering all of life's most important questions is a tall order, but if you've read this web page long, you know the value I put on the Model, my model for human motivations and emotions. The Model forms the foundation of what I consider the best way to view and live life. A model that answers all of life's most important questions: The Model If you haven't read my series on the Model, I wrote about it at length. I put a…

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April 30, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models / Tips

A model to simplify

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you ever have more stuff than you need? Do you find yourself susceptible to people selling things that you later realize you don't need? When I realized how little stuff improved my life and how much it got in the way, I found myself wanting things. Today I offer a belief that helps me look at acquiring things skeptically. A model for simplifying life: We've found almost nothing in the past few thousand years to improve our quality of life.…

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April 26, 2013

Awareness / Exercises / Models / Tips

A model to enjoy things more and promote future success

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Today's model is simple. It helps you enjoy things more. I'm going to state it very simply about something I like a lot, but it generalizes to everything in life that you like. And the more you use it to enjoy things more, the more you bring things into your life you enjoy. And you can use it with emotions other than joy. Anything you like. I find the model works especially well in improving relationships. I'll explain why in a…

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April 24, 2013

Art / Awareness / Exercises / Freedom / Leadership / Models / Tips

A model to find the best in someone, including yourself

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Today's belief helps overcome a challenge in helping someone's growth. It also helps you shine as a leader or mentor. When you lead or mentor someone or work to improve yourself, it helps to track progress, but you often can't. You can for external things, like how fast they run 100 meters, how they scored on a test, how much they increased revenues, etc. When you develop someone as a person, you can't always see the development externally. Especially with important…

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April 23, 2013

Awareness / Choosing/Decision-Making / Exercises / Models / Tips

A model to improve your environment

[This post is part of a series on "Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours." If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] How would you like for everything in your life to look better and for everyone to treat you better? For everything in your life to improve? Today's belief is one of the most powerful you can have, as is the strategy it leads to. People also happen to oppose it the most. When I state it simply and abstractly, they agree with it. When I apply it to them, they push back against it. You will too. If I can take…

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April 21, 2013