Talk about leading people and a lot of people will talk to you about convincing people as a way of leading them. I recommend against this strategy. Convincing someone implies logically debating. Changing someone’s behavior means changing their motivations, which means changing their emotions. Logical argument evokes emotions of debate. Convincing motivates people to disagree. They also feel like you’re trying to impose your values on them. If you disagree[…] Keep reading →

I did someone a favor and didn’t get thanked. No big deal. I’m not offended, but I’m not inclined to help them again. I read about leaders who send handwritten notes to people in their teams and the loyalty and dedication such little shows of appreciation create. I’ve written “how to get a mentor in two easy steps that work.” Showing appreciation influences people a lot. It doesn’t take much[…] Keep reading →

My mom grew up on a farm. I forget the details, but she said the family of six would have about a pound of meat for a meal (or maybe for a week). Dessert would be an apple. Americans today routinely eat over a pound of meat in one meal and turn down apples in favor of sweetened delicacies only royalty enjoyed a few generations ago. Poor Americans today have[…] Keep reading →

There are a lot of things worth paying attention to and spending time on trying to affect. If you can’t or won’t do anything about something you don’t like, it doesn’t improve your life to worry about it or to take time away from something you like or can do something about. You can call it “choosing your battles” or “discretion is the better part of valor.” If you’re taking[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] I just got off the phone with a client who was preparing for a call with someone important to help her. She was nervous because of his status[…] Keep reading →

I trust you know the value of a mentor. I’ll take for granted you also know how to create a connection with someone. If not, read my Meaningful Connection exercise and my social skills exercise series. So I’ll start at a point where you have at least a rudimentary dialog with someone whose mentorship will help you. Step 1: Ask them for advice Ask them for advice on something that[…] Keep reading →

I wrote the following to someone who was looking for arguments on eating habits, wanting arguments not to eat meat but liking the taste and convenience. On one side you’re looking for logical arguments but on the other side you have taste, pleasure, and convenience. No logical argument can counter your feelings of pleasure or convenience. Your issue is your own internal conflict: you have a gut feeling you’re doing[…] Keep reading →