Tips

A reader wrote with some questions common enough from other readers to share. His second message is the common one. The first sets the context of dealing with a difficult person. Here's the first message: I'd like to know how to deal with the type who is indifferent to the possible adverse repercussions for his actions (or lack thereof) and may actually want to deliberately trigger you to intervene and micromanage even if that's the last thing you have time for and it defeats the purpose of having the individual take on a role in the first place. In other words, you may assume that the person is on your team due to idle talk in their initial application and evaluation, but once they're given…

Do you ever get a gift that's almost what you want, but not quite? People who know me know I don't like books, as I wrote about in "Less, please". Sometimes someone gives me a book. I don't want it. I can get it from the library across the street from me. Now I have to feel weird selling to a bookstore for $5 something you paid $25 for. What do you do about the mismatch? You feel awkward, they see you as ungrateful... If you thank them, they may buy you more of what you don't want. Others may see and think you want more of what you don't. You risk getting attached to this thing you don't want. You want to thank them…

A reader and former NYU collaborator sent me this article from Fast Company under their "Leadership" heading: "27 Questions To Ask Instead Of "What Do You Do?" She knows my passion for effective and meaningful conversation, making people feel comfortable sharing their vulnerabilities, and supporting them on things they care about. Longtime readers will remember how I disparage "So what do you do?" as a leach that saps passion from conversation in favor of boring small talk that, by not risking hitting a vulnerability, avoids hitting what the person cares about. In my post "How to stop boring everyone you meet" I describe alternatives. My favorite conversation starter is "What's your passion?", which many people push back on. I read their concern as coming from…